In my case, H is coming through this a better person...crap! LOL! Looks great, investigating his emotions, changing his reactions......be easier if he dropped off too!
And our exes are in our lives forever through our kids. That's why that detachment is so important, I guess.
Just reading others' posts and realised that it was my (17th) wedding anniversary 2 days ago - and coincidentally (!!) the 2-year anniversary of bomb drop one day before that.
And I hadn't even realised....
Don't know if that's a sign of detachment or a sign that I'm still in the throes of fairly serious depression - where time seems to mean nothing and everything at once, and memory fails.
XH is making more attempts to re-connect with the kids.
He presents as entitled though (texting "Ring me to tell me when you are playing sport this weekend" and threatens to cut off their phone credit if they don't reply) and they don't want to let him back in.
After several weeks of no contact, a phone call to say he wanted to collect his golf clubs.
I said fine, come at 4pm.
Then the tirade started. A pent-up need for information: When will the kids be finished school tonight? Where are they till that hour? Have you told your lawyer you don't need him any more? Are you planning any trips away soon?
He has obviously been reading my email... He got really frazzled on the phone but i didn't take the bait. I ended the conversation as he was getting so angry with all this questioning of me.
Less than an hour later and he was ringing back saying "I just want to apologise for my bad attitude" I said "It's understandable, you were upset." H: 'No it's never understandable to get like that".
He showed up to get his clubs and was as nice as pie. I did some pleasant small talk and then didn't invite him in as he stood around waiting to come back into the house. Just a cheery "bye" like you would to an acquaintance.
Seems like his behaviour is still straight out of the text book.
He did have a moment of insight - admitted that it is wrong of him to play football in a team that plays against young boys who are just out of school - 18 yr olds (He is 43). Said he would not be doing this any longer. Seemed embarrassed (although perhaps I was projecting!).
Hope someone can see some patterning in all this. I think it helps to know how this process of mlc unfolds.
I keep seeing XH around my place of work during lunch hour.
It's in the CBD-ish, so it's not straight stalking, necessarily (he could be there for work, I suppose, if he has a new office).
I just find it odd that I'll be walking to a shop at lunch time or driving into the car park (yesterday i'd gone home at lunchtime to let the dogs out) and there he is, over and over again.
He used to show up at my local supermarket every second time I was there. But now I shop elsewhere, so i avoid the trauma.
Weird, unsettling. I wonder if it's just me? Maybe it's just coincidence....
Good that your H is looking at his behaviour a little bit..and the apology? C'mon NLW, unheard of!!
It's kind of sad that we have to be suspicious sometimes, no? H confessed to being on FB (public posts) to rub it in XGF face about his new interest and all the fun he is having. Tells me that even though he is growing up, he really isn't there at all yet.
But it is nice to see some growth, don't you agree ?
Unfortunately the apology is not unheard of - he started this whole business by alternating tirades with abject apologies. That was 2 years ago. Then he got more vile. Now he seems to be cycling back to how he was at the beginning.
Another new 2-3 hrs of spew on email and phone tonight. I had just secured an extension on my mortgage to cover all the credit card debt he left me with and the school fees. The bank had approved it and i had done all the paper work. The kids and i were so relieved ....
Then the bank discovered he'd taken out a caveat on my house. No more loan.
All the wind was knocked out of our sails - it was finally a way forward out of our dire financial circumstances.
I asked XH outright if he'd lift the caveat -even if he did so only for as long as it took to get the loan done. He said only if I agreed to his terms for settlement (ie he pays nothing and leaves us with all his debt).
So, no loan for us.
He's got every angle covered. He's still in complete control of our financial destiny.
I think many of the MLCers are so trying to run from their financial responsibilities. They think D will somehow make them rich men and when it doesn't - they try anything necessary to keep as much money as they can. Of course its our fault they are still poor
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
