round and around we go

[willbwell]

H is still so adamant about d. He keeps saying he want to just move forward. He doesn't want to delay the "inevitable"

It doesn't seem to matter to him that this will be a busy school year for me. h travels with his job at least 2 weeks of the month.
He doesn't do the kids stuff. Sorry, need to vent a little...I do the shopping, the laundry, the cleaning, the HW, the scheduling of appointments, the chauffeuring, But, he says he wants to maintain a relationship with them? Says he'll help when he can. He wants to write a check. I said kids want his time and attention. He makes work his priority.

We discussed finances yesterday(via email, not with attorneys)Its all so exhausting to me!

S19 bday tomorrow. h will be here to celebrate. just doing burgers on the grill.I will be upbeat and positive.

[AnotherStander]

Hey you guys who are living separated...what do you do about kids bdays? Both my boys have bdays coming up.

W and I discussed it after S'ing and decided to keep celebrating the kids' bday's together as well as major holidays. We felt it would be best for the kids to keep doing that for a while. We don't do vacations/ trips together though.

I would like to ask h if relationship with ow is what is driving this d.

Why? What does it matter?

I want to ask him to please be man enough and own up to it if it is true.

Confrontation and pressure, two tactics you do not want to use with a WAS.

Why should I care to know- the result will be the same d.

Exactly.

He doesn't do the kids stuff. Sorry, need to vent a little...I do the shopping, the laundry, the cleaning, the HW, the scheduling of appointments, the chauffeuring, But, he says he wants to maintain a relationship with them? Says he'll help when he can. He wants to write a check. I said kids want his time and attention. He makes work his priority.

Sorry to hear this, he sounds like a real deadbeat. Just understand that YOU cannot fix him, and YOU cannot help him to maintain a healthy R with the kids. That is totally up to him. Work on the one thing you have control over- you.

[willbwell]

I know the things you say AS. How many of us just pray for them to snap out of it!

I emailed him yesterday and asked him to slow down. he will(at this point) be fair financially. I think to get it done and over with.

I am sleeping too much these days. I take an AD, but I don't think it impacts me that way. I just want to go to bed with D when she goes to bed at 8pm.I'll get up at 10, 12 and check boys Its been this way all summer. My boys are alone too much. yes they are teenagers and don't want to be hanging out with me anyway. Last night I tried to stay up and watch a movie with s19. He's 20 today! I get up everyday about 4. want to change my sleep patterns.
Was about to say something about h and the past...got to stop living in the past! H told me that(angrily) the other day when I said we were just on vacation together a less than a month ago!

I wish I could be brave. I don't like these stupid cards and I don't want to play this stupid game.

My attorney charges a lot per hr. The retainer is a lot. All of this will come out of the community property. Its just such a waste, such a shame.

[willbwell]

h was here for son's bday. It was weird. everybody cordial and nice, but a sadness, tension in the air.
s20 stayed home didn't go out. I think he is really struggling. he leaves back to school next week. My heart hurts for him. He knows I love him and I am here for him, but as great as a relationship that we have, I am not his dad. His hero turned out to be just human and not so great.

[willbwell]

Ok, I need psychotherapy! Something struck me. I grew up having to be independent. Lost my dad to cancer when I was 6. I am one of 8 kids. My youngest sister was 3. My mom raised us by herself. She did a tremendous job. We are a very close family. But, being one of 8. We all learned to manage pretty well. I have accomplished a lot on my own as have my sibs. I think I just realized part of what is hard about this is that h was "taking care" of me. I liked having h to depend on. Now to have to do for myself again....just like when I was a kid.

[willbwell]

H emails tonight he is moving ahead. Sees no reason to delay inevitable he says. Then, has audacity to come over for dinner. I made no comment. Gave no indication I saw email. Thought I should process first. Thought very easy to say leave us alone. You don't want to be a part of this family, but we had just come from mass. Not sure how to repond

[willbwell]

Got the good and evil fighting in me right now...
somebody remind me why I am supposed to be nice...

[willbwell]

Am I just supposed to let go?? to go along??? To be the stupid bigger person when my heart is screaming NO!!!

[BrightFuture]

Willbwell, it is a good idea to process your feelings first before deciding what to do with the e-mail. It is not stupid to be a bigger person. You don’t have to just go along, you need to decide what is good for you and your kids. And you CAN be brave. Hang in there.

[hotwheelsaust]

Willbwell, hugs to you. I know the feeling of having the WAS leave suddenly, and want to do everything as quick as possible. I want to be that person who allows them time to think about things, accept that we need to work together on things etc. I don't want to be the person who takes on all the emotion, but I am (based on what I see). I don't want to be the person who gave up, but it is hard. Because I am the one doing it all. So I get where you are coming from. I really do.
It simply feels that your loved one has just put up a huge wall, doesn't care anymore, doesn't have any interest, no love, nothing. It is like we never existed, the marriage didn't exist and the love we had didn't exist.
How do we deal with it? Don't know. All I know is, while the DB stuff is hard to do at times, it is still the only thing that is helping me. Nothing else does.
Continue to rant on all you want here. We are all here for you, the family none of us ever had, but do now.