Focus on ME

[jp787]

ANH -Thank you
180 - Thank you
Cat04 - I think what I want most is to not worry so much. To start with little things that I worry about. I think as I catch myself worrying, I will try to say stop in my head and then say let it go.Then change my though to something else.
PS - I have so many self help books, I think I will finish codependent no more and then choose a non self help book that is in the house. Oldest D has a friend coming to stay with us for 2 weeks that moved away, so I will play it by ear as she gets hear tonight. I will make plans to so intent and commit. Gym today, just going to make myself go. Group... ya I will start looking

[Positivespin]

Jp.

Even if you get on a treadmill and walk for 30 mins its a victory


I will be riding you for updates

[uRworthy]

Hi J. I think it is best for you to just start with one or two things that you want to work on. Sometimes when you have a large list you can get overwhelmed and start to feel badly if you havent gotten to all of them, ya know?

So, pick two things for right now.

It could be that you want to learn to stop your negative thoughts and exercise.

It could be you want to change one thing about yourself and work on finding a friend.

So, whatcha gonna pick?

Oh and you do know that I am going to be checking up on you, right?

Cuz that's how I roll. LOL!

Let's make this thread different than all the rest. Whaddaya say?

You know I think you can do this. I have said it from the start.

So, get to gettin.

[TryingToDo180]

URworthy I love your nickname, it's so positive and you talk positively as well I really enjoy coming to DB forums, everyone is so supportive and positive I've recently left another forum as there's people on there telling me to forget about my H and that I'm better off without him!
Anyway, I'm invading JP's thread, sorry about that JP I also have a long list, 15 things on it to be precise, lol. I think a long list stops you from getting bored, lol. Yes it can overwhelm you if you're not careful, but you'll feel better when you start doing 1 or 2 things on the list.
Some days you may not feel like doing anything on your list and that's ok as well Don't beat yourself up about it especially if you've had a busy day!
Keep on with the PMA, you're doing great Am inspiration to me as you inspired me to do my list

[littleGTO]

hi, jp!

Thanks for posting on my thread! I agree that taking baby steps is the way to go. If you focus on too many things none of them will stick.

We are all rooting for you!

[jp787]

I think I will start with going to the gym and learning how to meditate.
I will continue working on my thoughts and stepping outside myself to question them though out my waking hours.

Thanks for the support.

[TryingToDo180]

Hi JP, that sounds interesting, stepping outside yourself to question the thoughts you are having. Keep us updated on your progress I've finally got a keep fit activity, I'm going to zumba next monday, lol. Wish me luck, I'll need it

[jp787]

Daughters getting ready to go back to school, it is a helpful distraction.

[25yearsmlc]

JP,

Before u comment on your list, i wish you had stayed on your path because you & your w were making progress. Shecwas showing affection & you said younthought she'd be moving back soon.
you also said that frightened you so maybe you wanted to sabotage the M again. But

You promised Not to force her to choose, and to give her time, but then you did exactly the opposite and gave an ultimatum. You were/are Not to do that or set ANY boundaries IF you are not ready for the results.

So i don't know if you secretly wanted to end things, but so doubt it (with all the talk if MC and Retrovaille)...so that leaves me with the image if you NOT GAL and obsessing & festering and then blurting out words thoughtlessly, only to kick yourself later. It is a pattern if yours. Takes desire to change, & a plan about how you will Not repeat that same mistake again, AND also a bit if discipline to STOP yoyrsekf first --before you blurt out in pain ir anger---and ask yourself the likely outcome of your verbal outbursts...

Enough said, i hope. As for your list:

When you join clubs or organizations, or take classes, and learn something new, travel, study, volunteer, help others, Then --
You will BE a friend to new people. And

Being a friend -- is how we make friends. Seriously.
The more kind and loving we are, the more love & kindness we find in others (partly our PMA) and the more kindness and love we invite into our lives. It can morph into a cycle but We begin it. We create it.

But Making friends--some folks find it hard-& they ask how to meet and interact?

SO-
Asking folks how THEIR lives are, showing interest in them with sincerity, being interested in them & their opinions, (almost as if you are "interviwing" them)
& showing some energy for what they say or are doing, (don't sigh or look away, make eye contact often & listen "Actively")

and all these things--

make YOU a "good conversationalist."

You don't have to entertain them. Most people welcome interest in their lives, from others. Most crave it.
They will say You are the "good talker" even if most of your comments were questions and affirmations of Their comments and insights.
Yes it Seems ironic - but its true.

For instance---
Dale Carnegie's famous book, "How to Win Friends & Influence People" is still the seminal introductory piece on social skills. It's an oldie but a goodie,

Most of today's social books are based on it.

You may want to put it on your reading list.

Yes--I agree that too many Self help books can conflict and are hard to read constantly, all in a row, and can get boring.

So it makes sense to rotate other material in.

Try checking the New York Times Best Sellers list or. "Top 100" books at Barnes & Noble is anotiher source for reading ideas. Find what You like. I have about 12 different genres next to my bed or in my Nook.

Nooks and Kindles are E readers & (they can hold 1500 books or more, & newer ones show videos and have browsers, etc. E books are cheaper than "real books".
JP, i read a lot! And though I love real books, as in the whole bound pages on shelves thing, just feels great to me.

But lately, my glasses only work for an hour. Then my vision blurs a bit & I i need to enlarge the print (and regular books cannot achieve that!)
Hence, my Nook.

Anyhow, my last comment is that

when it comes to traits you want to change, versus not being too negative, ir too hard on yourself (easy to feel defeated & give up, so thats counter productive)
but there is a way to do it with a positivity included.

For instance, instead of telling yourself " don't be so negative" or "stop being critical",

You could instrad say "see a positive aspect to every situation/person I encounter. And Or - Compliment each person i meet, sincerely."

That's in the Dale Carnegie book!

When it becomes a habit, you will notice you are a kinder happier person, especially when your words give others joy. Amazingly, there are times i have given a compliment to someone and it REALLY makes a difference to them.
They recall it, they tell their families, they repeat them & they value them.

You are the giver of joy in that situation.
It gets easier to do this, in an authentic way, as your PMA grows. But start it even if you don't yet "feel" it.

It's an example of how an External change in behavior can change us Internally.

Good luck!

[25yearsmlc]

PS.

Speaking of poor vision, i am using my Iphone for this. It's hard to edit.
I apologize if my typos or the "autoIncorrect" made anything confusing.