let's start at the end, shall we?

[KindaHappy1]

Thanks for the replies!

I've got DR and have read most of it. I think she may be MLC, it fits. I had started DR, but one of my issues is that I am always looking for the magic bullet, and when 180's didn't help, I looked elsewhere and started reading other books. I started focusing on myself more and looking into the issues that make me so reactive.

I read No MOre Mr Nice Guy, and realized that I have huge unresolved abandonment issues, so then I moved on to Taming Your Outer Child. I was thrilled to be learning how to fix myself and my issues, and I bragged about it and tried to teach her things out of the book in an attempt to fix her issues... BIG MISTAKE. That was one of the last straws before our big blow out the night before I left and it was something I was still doing as of last Saturday after I caught her spending the night at the OM that is at least an EA.

This week I came back to DR, and realized how if I had just stuck with it, I may have made much more progress. All I can do is keep moving forward and learn form my mistakes so I no longer repeat them.

I talked to her today asking if I could take the boys out after work to get them clothes for the wedding tomorrow. She is having a get together tonight with her nephew and nieces. I know that at least of of them is very against me, but I have learned that if I say anything negative about them, she feels attacked and like I am trying to control her.

She said that she didn't want our boys missing out on seeing their cousins. I reassured her I would have them home and I would be long gone before the get together. She agreed and I got the shopping done, got food for the boys and had the youngest call her to see if she wanted any food. She asked for a sandwich, so that was nice to be able to do something for her, even if she doesn't appreciate it.

I got the boys home and she was still out, so I was able to get out of there before she got home. That way I wouldn't have to see the depression face that she puts on when I am there, and I wouldn't be affected by it, and I feel really good about it.

I agree, no more R talks at this time.

How wrong is it to ask if she want's to join certain "Play dates" with the boys? our 20 year anniversary is next week and I was going to ask if we could make it a family night, but I don't know if that would be too much pursuing.