Ya. It's so convenient and my friends are away for a couple weeks. I stayed last night but no funny stuff lol!! We had a later night with activity group. H is currently seeing someone and while he says he appreciates me being straightforward ( ie I had said the meteor shower will be nice at the chalet this weekend. ( it is new woman's cottAge) ) that it is still weird speaking about it to me. I also explained to h that I have no time for an R. I make time for the things I want, kids, work, school, my time with him and possibly a research project. To have a relationship with someone would mean taking time from something right now and I am not prepared to so that. That I also need that click. Physicality alone won't do it.
H admitted that he always thought he could be alone and realizes he can't. Lol.
That he envies me and where I am in my life. That my admission of my feelings at the end of the marriage were a revelation.
Now, MG massage girl, is much maligned and new woman is astute and mature and oh did I mention with twin five year olds?? That h says he won't be introduced to this year. Later on, I managed to get in "and if a new partner has kids you are responsible for them too. ". H said yes, no, yes, well not really.
Lol. When you step back it is interesting to watch. Oh and h said that my happiness is not his concern that he has to be concerned with him. I said absolutely. That seeing me happy should not be a responsibility of his. But that he felt it was because he hasn't dealt with all the emotions concerning me yet
Busy busy. School is long. Toe is alright. And I want to sleep lol
Hmmm. Was a little needy/ manipulative today with H. Normally I do not ask him to do anything around house but noticed a leak in roof. Knew he had a stressy day at work and also spoke to him about minor incident with S drama really. But it involved h's sister so thought I would keep him informed.
Knew he was headed out for a pint but felt need to text about roof. He replied he would take a look and to put a pan underneath. And then he texted joking. I also felt need to add about another spot on roof I am worried about. No reply there....
Now I get to look at the need behind my behavior. I think it is response to him dating a woman with five year old twins and me reminding him of this responsibility. I think I will sit with this a bit longer and look at it a bit hArder. Happy to take insight.
Hey Ruby, I have these moments recently when I catch myself thinking that I want to ask for something from H, or actually have something (like our vacation home should remain the shared vacation place and not his primary place of residency), and it is not because I have some kind of agenda to show him something or whatever. I want or need something just because I want or need it. I feel very selfish at these moments, but I guess this is part of the detachment process. IDK.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
You know BF, it is both a measure of how much I have grown, recognizing why I do things, and how much more I need to travel (since I still do these things).
H confessed today that he posts on facebook all his great fun stuff to annoy xgf, Massage Girl.
I said "I know, I wasn't going to call you on it though and you'll get tired of it." I also told him that although I knew he was dating someone, that I had no desire to know about his life or anyone else's for that matter, so that is another part why I got off FB.
He said it drove him crazy to see how happy I seemed on FB...lol...thanks DB
So, part of my growth is not to play these games anymore, hopefully, if I backslide, at least it will be a learning experience
So, part of my growth is not to play these games anymore, hopefully, if I backslide, at least it will be a learning experience
Ah yes games, when we really stop playing these stupid little games and live for ourselves then thats when the real growth happens. Keep doing your thang...
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
