Husband Threatened to Leave, Don't know what to do

[TrentC]

I understand I can't try and fix things i can't fix but its to hard. He came home from lunch today in such a terrible mood. No affection whatsoever. And cold and tired looking due to no sleep. He says he is so tired and I don't know what to say?! I'm shaking inside but cause I fear he is going to alude his no sleep to not being happy and walk out.

You are borrowing trouble you don't need and mind reading again. There is something going on with your husband that he doesn't want to talk about. You are going to let your fear of what you can't control affect your ability to do what you can control.

As for the cold behavior, have you tried what I suggested? Not withholding affection per se, but managing how much affection you demonstrate based on how he acts around you.

I'm trying to stay positive but its so hard when we seem to have a breakthrough talk and it seems like its made things worse.

He has already seen that your attempts to fix things before were apparently only to keep him from leaving, and once it was "safe" you backslid. So if we were keeping score, you're starting out in the negatives this time. You have to keep the changes going no matter what he does because if you backslide again then he will assume that this is another attempt to manipulate him into staying. And this time he may really leave for good. Why should anyone be trapped in a relationship that doesn't meet their needs?

If the changes really are "too hard" then you need to take a good look at why you are trying to get him to stay. Fear of being alone is a pretty bad reason to stay married; you shouldn't be forced to become someone that you aren't.

And frankly, that "I'm a police officer so I can't trust people" thing is a crock. It's not fair to you to have him continually question your motives. I realize that things are up in the air right now, but at some point—preferably after you have demonstrated that your changes are real and permanent—he has to choose to have faith in you again.