let's start at the end, shall we?

[Not Quitting]

Be prepared for a long roller coaster ride. Things will go from bad to good back to bad. Try not to take it personally. You can only change yourself, no one else.

Get your hands on DR and/or DB books, read other threads on here. You'll find similar sitches and insights from sitches that are quite different that may be helpful to your sitch. Sometimes just venting or journaling on here can help.

No R talks - that's pressure; let your spouse initiate; validate and don't argue. Concentrate on yourself. A common statement on here is " Believe none of what you hear and 50% of what you see" and "this is a marathon not a sprint". Don't expect anything to change overnight.