I can "want" to mow the lawn but I have to "do" to get it mowed... I can "want" to get a job but I have to "do" the work to make it happen. Nothing we all "want" does not get done without "doing". Results only comes before work in the dictionary... not in real life.
I came to that conclusion because it would not go away. As much as I tried to work it, recognize it, validate it, etc it would not go away. It was paralyzing me.
I counseled with my church pastor and he set me up with a psychologist that was a member of the church. I didn't have the money to pay for his help so I mowed his lawn. We would sometimes meet for coffee at Waffle House. The man gave me the helping hand I had to have. He pulled me out of the hole I was in.
It was an interesting view from that hole. I could see the light and the way out but I still couldn't get out of it. It
The abuse I went through at the hands of my father, the sexual abuse from the youth group adviser, issues stemming from divesting of my business interests with my former business partner, and the dealings of stuff relating to my marriage and unemployment all played a part in one form or another.
Before moving here, I used to smoke a lot of pot. This is what kept my issues at bay for a long time. It placated them and smoothed over those sharp edges. it numbed me to the pain and anger I was feeling.
Without that crutch, they started coming back. The erosion of my marriage was a result of this stuff.
Stubborn? Naive? Maybe. I can't answer that. I know I was being foolish thinking I was going to work through this stuff myself. Professional help is not an admission of weakness. It does not make you any less of a man. We are all human, brother.
"No man is an island." I now really understand what the meaning behind that saying is. I couldn't do everything all by myself. I wanted out of that hole. I wanted the feelings to go away. So I did what i needed to do.
What we have learned from others, we can unlearn. We have the capability of learning new habits, as well.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
