let's start at the end, shall we?

[KindaHappy1]

Update:
I moved out 3 weeks ago after we had a huge blow out. She said that she was so stressed and couldn't think with me in the house.
I moved out and we would still have family dates and the 2 of us had a couple of nights out too. She acts happy when we are out, but as soon as we return home, she acts all depressed and I feel like a monster. We had gone to a therapist and she told me that day that she was spending that Friday at her relatives, and said I could spend the night at the house with the boys.

I've totally lost any ground I had after catching Saturday morning her at OM/EA. She claims she slept on the couch. I got into an accident at the scene and now she acts like I am crazy. I have sought some help and she has started a new therapist and is going to a psych doc too. She told me I should see one because she doesn't know who I am and that I scare her.

I started to argue that she is the only one who sees that, but then I realized, we were arguing, so I instead thanked her, and told her that I respected what she was saying, because she sees a part of me that others don't and I agreed to go too. I'm scheduled for next week.

On Tuesday, she worked late, and agreed that I could go to the house and hang out with the kids. I did, and we had a great time making dinner, playing games and talking. She came home and seemed so depressed, and I started feeling guilty about it. I talked about how I could drive the boys to school in the mornings once the year starts, but she said that she could do it. She seems to love showing me that she doesn't need me in her life.

I also went to a pastor yesterday, and he helped me see how much guilt I hold on to and explained that my actions didn't make her do anything, she chooses her actions. Of course this is all common sense, but I guess I was stuck with my twisted logic that it was all my fault.

We have a wedding tomorrow with my kids, and she agreed I could go with as originally planned, and her Birthday is Saturday and she made plans to go to a fair with her sister and family. I asked if I could go too, but she didn't seem to want me to. I told her that if she doesn't want me there, I don't want to go and ruin her day, and I meant it.

I had thought about not going to the wedding, but the pastor said to go, but not for her, for out boys. That makes sense to me, so that is what I'm going to do, and I am going to have a great time, and I have internally vowed to not be reactive to her.