Any hope???

[~ kd ~]

Em, just remember how he decided to "leave" the M and also his current behaviour...

He's started himself on an "ugly" path, for what ever reason. I don't mean to judge him and I'm sure he has some great, redeeming qualities. What I'm saying is that he appears to be on a self destructive path and it's good you are not directly part of that, right now.

The only person who can change his path, is him. And until he changes that path and starts coming back to you...

Your path should continue to be focusing and working on yourself.

Glad you've been enjoying your time with your roller derby crew!

[Emilys88]

my belongings were delivered yesterday, and i feel emotionally dead right now. Just going through everything and he didnt pack it well. He also kept a bunch of things that were personal gifts and high dollar.

I sent a list to my lawyer last night. I hope things can get settled soon. I am at a point now that I dont want him back anytime soon.

[Emilys88]

well its officailly confirmed, hes with OW and i have no doubt he has been this whole time.

Hes been lying this whole time, why could he not just tell the truth.

He made me believe our failed marriage was my fault, but hes been cheating on me. I feel so used and defective. what does this girl have that made him throw away 10 years?

i just wish i could stop hurting.

[AnotherStander]

Hes been lying this whole time, why could he not just tell the truth.

Affairs are lies. It seems that once people open the door to a big lie like that, other lies come naturally. They stack lies on top of lies all the way up to the sky.

I feel so used and defective.

An affair is a reflection of the lack of integrity of the partner involved in the affair, not their spouse.

what does this girl have that made him throw away 10 years?

Well, you'll often seen it said here that an A is a symptom, not a cause. Your M didn't fall apart because of the A. The A happened because your M fell apart. Your M fell apart because of things you both did. But you only have control over you, so all you can do is own your personal mistakes in the M and do 180's on those. Your H has his own demons to overcome. Just based on personal observation, it seems to me that people get into affairs to trick themselves into thinking they are "all that" and that they don't have issues. So affairs tend to delay them from addressing their own faults unfortunately.

i just wish i could stop hurting.

You will, but you've got to give yourself time to heal. The timeframe is different for each person, but everyone gets there eventually. Good luck!

[MileHigh]

"Your M didn't fall apart because of the A. The A happened because your M fell apart."

I first learned this bit of wisdom from the movie "When Harry Met Sally." It blew my mind! And put my first marriage in perspective for me.

[Emilys88]

thats what gets me though, I didnt think our marriage was falling apart. I believed we were happy and ok.