you're such a positive little thing- yay for people like you. out there-
i know, you're rite. good news on the hug. occasionally i lose my way and actually display affection- sometimes it's not shoved away. usually tolerated i guess i'd say- but hardly embraced.
i'm darn tired of that too- the streess of having to second guess where you can allow yourself to love or go-
oh man-
BUT BETTER than this morning or yesterday. i said whati put in that first post- pretty much word for word. that i hate it, but he always does what he wants - and the words stick in my throat so i'm hardlyl ikely to invite him to go boink hw.
pretty much that. and left room- no snarl, no big reaction.
i shoulda said whatever- maybe next time (next year-next decade)
i''m picking on myself here out of habit - but honestly- i don't even care to bash myself over my poor reacitons or whatever- i am who i am and iim doin my best. anyone who is better- yay for you.
my h lied and lied about it all. he never even bothered to be honest or even try TALKING. I JUST FOUND out by accident (i swear- hand of god putting it in my face).
no k idding- both times i was soooo blind and stupid and happy- and ka bam- in my face - unavoidable something that made my brain say HEYYYYY WTF??? IS GOING ON HERE
AND THEN i confronted him. he'd have lied and been crabby and critical forever i guess. wtf is that anyway???
idk linda- back this minute to seeing his "disease" - f that tho. and f him and f her for that matter.
anyway- less rabid- less stressed - keepthinking of "the agreement" 6 months notice of impending doom or demand i clear out-
somehow i still believe that- i need to chill out one bit and lose the insecure thing. it won't disappear- happy if it slacks off.
