Lost Hope, I feel your pain literally jumping through the computer screen. I can only imagine how tough of a time this must be for your family. I'm not an expert on DB but since my last blow up with my W i've totally surrendered my situation to God. What has yielded has been the best mind state i've had since the BD. We all here go through so many emotions reading, saying, doing pleading and then some. One thing i've come to realize is that we here are all human and our experiences often shape out thoughts and beliefs, do you get a wide ranging view point. The great thing about DB is it is solution based. What's that mean? Well it varies on who you talk to... One thing I read in the bible that struck me was this: "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her." I bring that up because that is a really deep statement this is so hard because it deals with unconditional love even when you aren't being loved back. I've been so caught up in "DETACH" that I "thought" it meant don't feel, be concerned or all the other negative perceptions that followed. And it's easy to get caught in that mindset especially when you see all the things your S is doing that hurt you. Why? beacuse it's in our nature, we will let you down at some point.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
I know this might go against "some of the rules" but be you... Be kind, be compassionate, love your husband, pray for him. Draw close to Christ and he will draw close to you. God can and will soften your husbands heart.
In a passage from a book i'm reading: "Challenge yourself to risk EVERYTHING to be a vessell of God's unconditional love. It will transform you and your relationships, starting at home. Use the love word indiscriminately, even reckelessly. Ask God to empower you to be uninhibited in love."
Love without reservation... Hang in there God cares deeply for you and what you are going through. He sees your pain. Lean on him! And although I don't know you, I love you and I believe in you dear.
