Hes been lying this whole time, why could he not just tell the truth.
Affairs are lies. It seems that once people open the door to a big lie like that, other lies come naturally. They stack lies on top of lies all the way up to the sky.
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I feel so used and defective.
An affair is a reflection of the lack of integrity of the partner involved in the affair, not their spouse.
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what does this girl have that made him throw away 10 years?
Well, you'll often seen it said here that an A is a symptom, not a cause. Your M didn't fall apart because of the A. The A happened because your M fell apart. Your M fell apart because of things you both did. But you only have control over you, so all you can do is own your personal mistakes in the M and do 180's on those. Your H has his own demons to overcome. Just based on personal observation, it seems to me that people get into affairs to trick themselves into thinking they are "all that" and that they don't have issues. So affairs tend to delay them from addressing their own faults unfortunately.
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i just wish i could stop hurting.
You will, but you've got to give yourself time to heal. The timeframe is different for each person, but everyone gets there eventually. Good luck!
