NERO FLOATING- throw that line.....

[RosaLinda]

Boy Nero I am proud of you for keeping your cool when H told you so casually that he wants to go visit The Fvcking Cow. What exactly did you reply to him? How has he been acting since then?

i just don't want to mistakenly END IT ALL FOREVER for effect ONLY and then regret it. i know only death is final- it doesn't feel like that tho with these very hard- egocentric people who NEVER BACK DOWN- NEVER APOLOGIZE - NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE - never accept responsibility - NEVER NEVER NEVER -

I KNOW OUR ONLY POWER is over ourselves - i don't even know if that is the "right way" to handle things. that is my stupid gut directing me. the same jerk (gut) who told me this is a good man- despite anything to the contrary i ever thought or saw in life for past million years. it's alw;ays servedme well in past - i have my doubts now- flying on faith i guess since it's all i have - no kidding.

on the other hand- i do tend to think i'll do this til i can't stand it or him anymore and then it will be over and i'll never see his face again- the END.

That is what you are standing for honey. Because you love H and do not want to prematurely end it all forever. I do not know if this is the right way to handle MLC either. But this Process is highly endorsed by many people, and has helped to reconcile many marriages. I think if we give up before we are "done" standing, we will doubt ourselves for ever and always wonder if things might have been different if we had trusted the process and let our Hs slowly work their way out of the tunnel.

Nero, if things do not work out for you and your H, if things do not work out for me and my H, at least we can look ourselves in the mirror knowing that we tried our best to make it work. That we did everything we could, that we gave 120% more than the rest of the world advocates we give.

i don't think i will allow myself any more hope or faith in h's intrinsic goodness.

Yes you will if and when you two are back together again. You will not have that innocent in love type of feeling about him, but you will be able to trust him and know that underneath it all, he was really a good man who caught a horrible disease, MLC, which affected his brain and made him act like a crazy idiot for a couple of years. Then that trust will slowly return.

and i'm damn sick of no darn affection or sex or LOVE in my daily life- if i don't have that- what the heck do i know this guy for?????

THis is what hurts me the most too. Well, except for the thought of my H boinking RT. I am the kind of person who is a happy faithful trusting idiot if she just gets a couple of hugs every day. My H knows this about me Nero, and if he just wanted to have a secret affair with a Russian Twat, he knows he could hide his secret by just hugging me. I would happily trust him and let him go on his way. Does your H know that about you too?

Instead they are open about being "in love" (bleech) with Fvcking Cows and Russian Tramps, yet do not want US out of their lives. Can't you see this is proof that MLC has affected their minds and they are temporarily insane? This is not how normal men act. They either have a secret affair which they sneak and hide, or they openly tell their W that they are in love with someone else and leave.

I always believed that when you loved someone- it enables all of us to put THEIR happiness first.

this mlc junk has me down because - i can't feel that for h rite now or maybe any more. his happiness ALWAys SEEMed more important- like dealing with kids- i always felt LIKE A happy and secure person and able to SHARE MY GOOD WILL AND GOOD fortune and try and make the other person feel that too. you know, feel it- that they CAME FIRST.

This is exactly what I just read on uRworthy's new thread. I pasted it on to mine who you might have read it already, but I am going to paste it here for you. This is what I have decided to do (or try anyway) with my own H. I love him with all my heart, and have decided that I love him enough to let him go. I hope he will come back, but if he does not, I am going to leave it in God's hands and try not to fret and worry about it anymore.

"I think the hardest part in all this is in letting go. I believe that is the greatest act of love. It doesn’t mean you are giving up. It doesn’t mean you do not care. It is saying that you hear them, you honor their feelings, and cherish them enough to let them go with love.

When that happens, you begin to detach so that their actions and words do not affect your actions and words. You are allowing them to live their life, and figure themselves out and you are allowing yourself to do the same."

Oh and I have a confession. I was "bad" yesterday, and decided to give my H a hug in honor of deciding to "let him go." I braced myself to have no expectations. He did not hug me back at all, but also did not flinch away like he has in the past. He laughed and said "I think you had too much tea."