Don't come around here no more

[AJM]

Um, yeah, he has other things on his mind, WH. Go figure, right?

Keep on the path you're on. You're doing well and covering things as best you can. You can make a request to the credit bureaus. Most people make at least the one free request each year and it won't hurt your rating. Doing it over and over again in a short time span is what hurts - the companies look for patterns and flag those.

Things are moving along, which is good. Your lawyer knows it's a matter of time, as does everyone else. Your L is seeing that the things your H is trying are, one by one, being removed as barriers. One brick at a time, he is taking the lies apart. It is expensive, and there will be accusations from your H, but it's nothing to worry about.

Sorry he missed the swimming. Hopefully he'll be able to dig out of the rest of it enough to continue to pay attention to the kids. My guess is he will have trouble keeping that pace of the happy facade, and it'll show sooner than later. Just a guess though.

Peace,
AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks AJ

H is doing his best to keep the kids away from me tonight. D came to me and wanted to play badminton. I was on the phone so I told her I couldn't, but H stormed in and said get outside. She told him she wanted to play with mom and he said no, you need to get outside. That's really nice considering yesterday when she wanted to see her dad I didn't stop her. He pushed her away.

I could just cry right now seriously. My poor little girl.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Oh yes H is ticked off. S came into my room and flicked me with a rubber band. I flipped it back on him, H came upstairs and screamed at me to leave S alone and go to bed. I tried to explain S came in by me and H said he didn't care I needed to go to bed now. I said you will not tell me what to do and you will not order me around. He told me S needs to go to bed now and stomped downstairs. That's rich considering S was cleaning his room and didn't even have his PJs on yet.

He's about to crack I think.

WH

[AJM]

Yes, WH. And it's time to stay somewhat clear as much as you can. Let him find a target (other than the kids) to take it out on.

He won't return the niceties, but it's not an excuse for you to not continue to provide them. i.e. it doesn't let you off the hook for being pleasant and nice and a responsible human, right?

You handled it beautifully and will continue to I'm sure.

AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Thank you so much, AJ.

Trust me. I don't want to be nice to him. I want to take my kids and go far, far away. But I won't. My kids are already seeing what dad is about. Especially S. I will let them make their own conclusions about their dad. They already are without any input from me. Of course, he says it's my fault. But what can you expect from someone who accepts no blame for anything whatsoever.

I still remember how he used to take a personal affront to anyone who criticized him. Whether it be constructive criticism or not, H took it all the same. I now remember him taking a course in College writing and he hated his teacher. Hated that woman. In fact, now that I think about it, he tried to write a negative review of her and get her fired. Wow. It's all coming together now. Anyone who critiqued him he went after with a vengeance. Now it makes sense. I didn't fall over him and do his bidding so now he has fired me as a wife. He's trying to fire me as the kids' mother too. But that isn't gonna work. No way, no how. I'm like a discharged employee who demands her agreed upon severance package. Either you give me what you owe me, or I will need go have the court get it for me.

How could I have been so stupid? I am so angry that I picked the wrong man for the father of my children. My kids deserve so much more.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

So this morning H is asking me "in the event the court 'kicks you out' are you planning to take the dog?". So I respond, yes, I want the dog. But it all depends if I can find somewhere to accommodate pets. He said so I assume you haven't found a place yet? I said, no, not yet and walked away.

No genius. How am I supposed to find a place when there is nothing finalized? I have no idea how much money I will have or how much debt? I have no money for first month's rent or security deposit? How can I secure a place? I am just venting right now. I am sure he did that to upset me and rile me up.

My attorney has a plan. I have to trust in him and God. I am just so tired of H making up the rules as he goes along. You know, that "do as I say, not as I do" mentality.

Keeping my chin up,
WH

[AJM]

WH, I can totally understand the frustration and feeling like "it was there all along". You didn't pick wrong. He wasn't always that way toward you. He wasn't always bent on this path like he is now. I don't know him, but I do know the behavior type. My ex displayed things that were part of her for years. My father always said she was like that. His way of seeing it to be sure, but she wasn't always that way. During all of this, I remember thinking how unbalanced she was in her behavior. It was the only way I could describe it. Heck, she could not figure things out about herself - I didn't stand a chance of figuring it out.

But there's nothing wrong with my "picker" if you will. If there was, I would have ended it many many years ago. Or she would have (she could have easily done so prior to her actions).

I realize he is trying very hard to hurt you. He is. And he will continue for a while. But you can rest assured there's nothing with you that picked wrong. There's nothing you've done to "deserve" this behavior. This is him and all about him. In time you'll see that and have insulated yourself from it in a way that he'll have to find a new "target" That's coming sooner than later, my dear.

And you can trust your lawyer and God. Your H has nothing he can touch you with. He can only annoy at this point, but legally the ball is in motion and your L will see it comes out fairly.

Be patient. Almost there, WH.

AJ

[kml]

I understand your not wanting to engage him. On the other hand, when you give him these stonewall non-answers, it just feeds into his idea that you are dragging your feet. I still think it would be more productive to actually communicate the facts - "No, H, I haven't found a place yet, because until the financials are done, I have no money for rent deposit and no idea of what I can afford." THEN walk away.

That puts the ball back into his court, and diminishes his fantasy that you are just holding on to him.

[kml]

Or, you could say:
" I've looked at apartments, H, and it looks like it's going to cost XXXX dollars to get into a place between first and last months rent, security deposit and pet deposit. "

[wishing, hoping]

I know KML. I don't want to engage with him and end up with him using my words against me. Even the GAL said one has to be very careful with the words you use when speaking to H. One has to be very deliberate. My attorney said if he tries to engage you in conversation about these types of matters just direct him to me. I am trying to keep the peace in the house since he tells me I am the source of all the stress.

WH