I am feeling myself detach, but I do fear by doing so I may not ever want him back. I look at the past years and do see where we both made mistakes. We became complacent and our intimate life was getting fewer and farther between. I look at how he thought it was about us, and I see it monetarily but not emotionally. I can see a distinct pattern of his behavior about confrontation, conflict, and avoidance. How it lead to my feeling hurt/devastated, frustrated, alone and at times angry. I know I don't want that feeling anymore. I know that is not the marriage I want. I know as this drags on , I will have a boat load of resentment and anger built up. At that point I just don't see how "piecing" can work. You see stuffing my feelings just leads to anger and stress. I am tired of watching my face break out due to the increase in cortisol. I physically hurt due to the tension in my traps. I'm supposed to be concentrating on my classes but can barely drag myself to them. I have been working and truly enjoy it. I'm thinking about joining a Swing dance class. I've been working out and walking, lost weight and toning up...feels AWESOME! Oh and I took off my wedding bands...it just feels weird to have them on when this crap is going on. He got bitten by a spider and had a HUGE reaction, hand swelled, open sore, had to take antibiotics. Since then he hasn't put his ring back on...so I figure I can wear some of my rings I don't usually wear due to so many ring fingers! Anyhoo, that is where I am. Still have a knot in stomach and feeling down, but forcing myself to move on. I'm having more happy moments, and laughing more. It really does a body good to do so!
MLC=[censored] to be him
empathy: putting myself in his shoes and fighting like Hell for our marriage
" I will see you again...this is not where it ends..."
