We have a verbal agreement that my kids will not be visiting my family any time soon. My family strongly encourages me to accept this arrangement.
Why? (to both statements)
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PatientMan Took quite awhile for your post to show up. W hated my mom and sis for what they have inadvertently said or done. My earliest post in another thread of mine best describes what happened but that's just some of her grievance against my family. It's basically her complaint over the course of 4 years and its in the same repeated pattern of bursting anger whenever she spoke of it. My inaction and brushing it off made it worse. To her, i did not put her feelings first and instead defended my family because i find them trivial. W developed withdrawal behaviour roughly 2 years ago whenever my parents would want weekly visits. I had to make up one excuse or another to my parents. I hated what i've done and months later, my parent did get the hint. W then told me that she didn't want them to visit. Whenever we have an argument about something, she will always related her grievance against my family. This frustrates me because it always has nothing to do with anything we are arguing about. The last big argument we had was when i have had enough. I told her to speak directly to my parents. She asked me to gather my brother and sister and their partners as well. I asked why involve others. She replied that she wanted them to witness my family's ill treatment and hypocrisy. She just spoke her mind. Everything was supposedly forgiven that night but I was pretty angry when we got home. What was forgiven was undone. To sum it up, i managed the situation poorly. W didn't my kids to have anything to do with my family. She said she can't accept the way she was treated and therefore they do not deserve my kids. I promised her some time for her to heal. I have spoken to my parents a couple of weeks ago. They understood the situation and were willing to not visit at all to appease her. They said not to force things. I told them i will not agree to that and will determine a period for her to heal. Initially W wanted 3 years but i have put it at 1 year. W's decision was not made after the bomb but years before.
Your W's problem with your parents has nothing to do with your children seeing their family. She's using her personal problems to deny family seeing family. That's wrong. (It's also petty and immature.)
She needs time to heal? What does her healing have to do with denying your family from seeing your children? How is that "healing"?
My advice is to stop capitulating to her emotional and manipulative outbreaks, and to stand up for yourself and for your kids. I certainly don't know your situation in full, but following your thread along, it certainly seems like you let her walk all over you and your biggest fear is not to rock her boat. At this point in time she is done with you. Accept that and start doing what is best for you and your kids.
Step back from your situation and take a real hard look at what is right, what is wrong, and then take action to address what is wrong.
What's she going to do? Divorce you? That's already happening!
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M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
