Thank you so much for your comments ! X KarenR yes I have DB and am reading it and following the suggestions although sometime I struggle because I get no response from H . I have thought of DB coaching , but I am working on a very limited buget .
Mimi30 thank you for your positive comments , I have to let it sink in that I don't need to be attractive for him , but for myself ! And I just love your " make yourself into the person you'd want to marry " fantastic !
Another stander - thank you for your comments , I should have said our children . I'm relieved that his mixed behaviour is typical . Also your comments on working on the areas that may have caused the barrier/wall were very important . I would However, disagree (sorry ) that affairs rarely happen in strong loving marriages , research has shown that they do , but I will admit that there were areas that I needed to work on , and I have been trying to do that .
I know that to say " he was my life " is unhealthy / pathetic / weak , but it's only now that I recognise that and fully realise that , and would never make that mistake again . Also he was my first love (!) I have never had sex with anyone else ! ( more fool me !) I have read Sandi's rules ,and found them really helpful.
Another needs help -thank you , I think that the OW was there at a crisis point in our lives . We were very close to bankruptcy , and I had never seen H so low - ever ! He has been self employed for 27 years ! He had worked extremely hard to provide for us and it looked like we were losing everything ! She was there with smiles and frivolity , when I was worried sick about out situation , and how he was handling it . I couldn't compete with his distraction from reality !
Thank you all so much for commenting !!!!
This is maybe a question no-one can answer because every sitch is different , however the OW has already had 2 divorces ! She has 3 teenage children , she doesn't work, her children go to fee paying schools , drives a nice 4x4 , lives in a large house !! I'm wondering if she could be seeing a financial gain from (my ! ) H I don't think he wonks discuss our previous financial probs - he's far too proud !. - anybody any thoughts / comments ? Thanks again everyone , much appreciated !!!
