Surviving Separation

[slow_it_down]

As predicted yesterday was a better day... And today better yet. My H even texted me something moderately um "thoughtful" and funny I guess you would say that wasn't at all baby related. That was nice.

I'm still stuck in this weird place were I can't tell if he's just being nice or if he's softening toward me. I know I shouldn't even worry and keep the focus on what I'm doing w/ o regard of what he wants or thinks until he shows clear interest, but its weird to have this text message thing going w/ no sign whatsoever that he'd like to see me or hear my voice.

I know I need to give this up, but I really really WANT to see him at least once before we meet up w/ me in labor at the hospital. Afterall we are approaching 3 months since ive seen him. More accurately i guess I want him to WANT to see me. Almost as though a reconciliation after the baby would be less meaningful or like I would feel less confident in him sticking around long term if its just baby guilt that brings him back. (IF he comes back that is) I know 3 months is not very long in the grand scheme of things, but to show no interest in seeing me now when our conversations haven't been negative for months and things feel "friendly" just feels odd. That whole "maybe he really is better off without me" feeling I suppose.

At any rate, I did some professional networking today and am finishing up the last of my home repairs before baby. Something about hitting a hardware store to fix something on your own when your 8 months pregnant feels empowering. Staying busy w/ tasks always helps too!