Thanks for you reply AnotherStander! My DB coach and I discussed whether I should disclose my knowledge of the A and we agreed it's probably best for now not to say anything and focus on DB techniques.
You're quite welcome, and I always defer to the DB coaches because they know your sitch better and have a lot more experience with these things, so definitely follow their advice.
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Is the "cake eating" concept that she is able to maintain a place to stay, see our kids daily, have the expenses covered, etc., but still able to go out and spend time with OM?
Yes, exactly. You've probably heard the phrase "you can't have your cake and eat it too" which basically means you can't have/ hold something and at the same time consume it, but often people in affairs are doing exactly that- maintaining their married life while secretly participating in an affair that is destroying their M. So it's referred to as "cake eating".
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I'm trying to give her space, but I just saw an email that said she can't stand it at home because I'm always around and she can't even get a minute to send the OM an email.
Stick with your DB coach and follow their advice. But you're fighting an uphill battle. She's invested in OM now. Most affairs burn out in anywhere from a couple of months to 6 months. But during that timeframe, there's all kinds of "feel good" chemicals being released (dopamine, etc.) and the affair partners fall in love with those feelings as much as the other person. Especially if they think the A is secret. It's like a drug addiction. All you can do is make yourself the spouse only a fool would leave and be patient. I'd quit snooping too, you already know about the A, there's not much more to be gained by continuing to snoop. Eventually she'll catch you snooping and then the fireworks will start.
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You're certainly right about it not making sense to me. The big thing is this, and just humor me, please; My wife is a professional with 3 advanced degrees and earned a 6 figure income for years. Due to the economy and loss of her job, she began working at a landscaping design company. The OM is an overweight, immigrant hispanic guy who speaks broken english and doesn't even hold a highschool diploma.
I just don't see any way that R can last. There's too big of a gulf between their backgrounds. That said, the OP is almost always a step down from the spouse that's being cheated on. I've never really seen a good explanation of why that is, but it's almost always like that. The OP's biggest selling point to the WAS is that they are not the LBS. They might be fat, ugly and stupid, but at least they're not the LBS!! Sure it doesn't make sense, but welcome to the crazy world of WAS's and MLC'ers.
