2old, you are over analysing what your W is saying again. When you were married, did she ever phone you and say hi it's me? Everyone on here is telling you to let go and GAL. You don't mention your goals, have you not got any? The picture you are painting is of someone who stays indoors all day, sat on their computer all day posting on here and reading emails. Wondering when you are next going to hear from your W and over analysing everything she says. If I'm wrong, then correct me. There a lot of people on this thread who have asked what are your goals? what are your GALs and so far you've not given us much. It is getting tiresome listening to you talking about your W. I feel I know your sitch inside and out now. I want to stay in touch with you as I feel that one day you will achieve a breakthrough and actually GAL without your wife in it. She's not going to come back for months, so you need to let her go for the time being. She's got a lot of soul searching to do before then and she'll get it done a lot quicker if she knows that you're not waiting around for her and giving her the space that she needs. I'm not saying you were wrong to send her those emails, if they were important then they need to be sent. Have you got a bump on your head yet from the 2x4s you've been receiving? lol.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Don't fight the emotions or try to suppress them. It won't work or speed anything up. You need to feel it and accept them then move forward from them. Don't let the emotions control you, just acknowledge them then move on. It takes time.
And normal is a subjective term. You're in the process of figuring out what your new normal is. With that there will be emotions, growing, looking at your life, etc... Again, I know how you feel about wanting things to go back to the comfortable (normal) that you knew but that isn't where you are right now. As you continue on your journey you might just start enjoying your new "normal".
Her signing with "me"...you're right you shouldn't give this any thought. I think you're mind reading or trying to put something to what is likely nothing at all. Who cares? It shouldn't affect anything you are doing right. Need to stop analyzing everything she does, even with the extremely limited contact. Start being you and concentrating on you and the things you're doing.
So...what are YOU doing?
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Hi Spartan, Well, for some reason now at the 3 month mark I am struggling with emotions that I had believed left me. My normal now is trying to find good employment so that I can indeed move forward. I know once I get a descent job I will do much better. Because for a few days now I've been feeling more angry than at any time prior. Then the sadness creeps back in again. Then after awhile it's back to being angry or just feeling numb. As I have said previous, I am so tired of this crap. Now, I am ramping up my job search and hope to find something quick which I know will help me thru all this. I think that me trying to examine her responses is because I read so many others here seeking anything positive. But as Cadet said, the WA's seem to be in a fog and only they can bring themselves out of it. And yes Trying, I understand like many others sitch's this could go on for a long time. My mind though says the longer it goes on the more we the LBS pays the price even more. I wish I could just turn everything off and live but it cant be done like that.
I wish I could just turn everything off and live but it cant be done like that.
It CAN be done like that if you let it 2old. Try and think of other things you can do as well as looking for a job. you know the saying "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" and the "play" shouldn't just be sitting on your PC all day in your dressing gown, lol. Get out and go for a walk once a day, go into town and look around the shops and the thrift shops for treasures (maybe that's just a girl thing!). I always try to get out of the house every day, I hate being stuck inside! Over here in the UK the shops will sometimes advertise jobs on their shop windows so it is worth checking these out. Voluntary work can also look good on your CV and help you interact with people again and maybe make new friends along the way. It won't look good to a new employer when you go for your interview and you've not got a spring in your step! You are right when you say that others are trying to see positives in their WAS's behaviour, but they are also Getting a life so that if the inevitable does happen, they are more prepared for it! I'm still finding it hard, but I'm trying to move on and not obsess too much about my WAS. If I do then people do not know about it on here as it's just me wallowing in my own self pity! I think about him every day, I wonder what he's doing at the moment, I wonder if the next time he sees me he'll ask to move back home or ask me for a D. I wonder when he's going to ring me next, I dread the post coming every day in case it's a letter from his solicitor. I wonder every day whether or not it's the right time to tell my parents. I wonder what I shall put in the letter to my parents, I'm NOT telling them over the phone!! BUT... at the same time I'm trying to forget all that crap. I'm trying to move on with my life, keep busy, set up my own business, meet up with friends, keep my son occupied, do voluntary work and go out every day.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Pretty common to cycle through emotions so don't worry about that so much. It's part of the process so just feel them, understand where they came from, then move on. I was also pretty bad at the 3 month mark and then again around the 5 month mark. At some points in my journal I would cycle back and forth daily (why Mach1 started calling me Alice ).
Anger is a normal emotion. I feel anger is the emotion that helps us move to the next step on our journey. I know for me the 'big' moves that I made in myself were initially driven by anger. Be careful though, use anger as a shield to not allow yourself to be hurt anymore, DO NOT use anger as a sword and try to attack. Use it to force yourself to GAL so you stop thinking about her, to set healthy boundaries for you, to say I'm really done letting her and this sitch control me and I'm F'n moving on.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
so, would someone care to comment as to whether or not I should even respond to her questions. Or, should I just ignore what she is asking? Again, the questions are only regarding previous years in which we filed electronically its really not too inportant but could result in her becoming very angry that I would ignore her. And I spent the afternoon fishing with my Grandson down by the river... Excellent way to spend the afternoon. Trying harder now to GAL....
What's the worst that can happen if she gets angry with you? Leave you? If the tax question affects YOU, than answer. Time to be selfish in a loving way that is. If it doesn't affect you let her do the work that's what divorce will be anyway.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Good answer Rick 2old, I'm sorry I didn't mean to avoid your question, I didn't think you'd asked one. I would respond to her email. This is where I slip up, when my H contacts me I respond almost immediately. It's so funny, he'll ring my mobile and if I don't hear it, he'll then ring the house phone. He doesn't even give me a chance to ring him back! I think if I was responding to an email though, I'd definitely leave it a day or two before responding. Good for you going fishing with your grandson That's the sort od news I like to hear about If you pop over to my thread then you'll see that I've written a list of goals. Good luck with the GALing, you'll feel better for doing it Make one of your goals to spend more time with your grandchildren. You're right it was a lovely way to spend an afternoon and I bet you feel a lot better for doing that?
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Yes, it was fun and did feel great to catch fish again...I waited until late in the evening to respond to her questions. I was very brief but to the point. So to find a GALing activity for today....
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