W was away this weekend and I tried to keep myself busy but ended up snooping (I know don’t care what anyone says).
Anyhow I found what I was looking for and more. Compromising images of W and current OM, these images left me in no uncertain terms that W has moved on (even before she asked for a D) and I am a million miles from her thoughts, it also killed off any lingering doubts I had that I was about to let a good one go or maybe a miracle may happen. The woman I saw in those images was not my wife but a slutty alien. I feel bad but not broken, from what I saw of them together I know I’ll move onto better things.
So for the sake of my sanity and self respect this D needs to happen as soon as possible and when it does I know I can leave this M with my head held high and with a clear conscience. (Thanks Rock)
@Lanzo: Hang in there and just keep crawling. At least you aren't standing still!
Reading this back encouraged me to put up a positive post.
My trouser size is officially down to size 38 from 40 so I’ve got a nice pair of jeans new from 3 years ago in the waldrobe that I can start wearing. Keeping in this mode I went out and bought a pair of ¾ length brown combat trousers size 38 :), and I added a cool casual T shirt and a beige polo shirt, total £26 ($40).
Made me feel good for a while, must keep these good feeling rolling.
A few things have hit me letting me know that I need to take back control of my life rather than sitting and reacting to what W is doing.
• Me buying some clothes and feeling good about myself (Great feeling) • Images of W and OM looking like a couple. • Not exposing or acknowledging the A. In not doing so I look more and more like a door mat and that I also condone their actions. • Also realising that I hadn’t set any boundaries on W behaviour as she was coming and going as she pleased from our house to OM house.
When D11 was out of the way I approached W and said “This coming weekend I will be moving back into the main bed room as it was obvious you had an alternative place to sleep and that you had another man”.
We are still getting a D so I was surprised (well maybe not) at her reaction as she denied she was in an A, denied OM and said she didn’t have anywhere else to sleep so she wouldn’t be budging. She played her poke face and said she didn’t want to argue with me and rushed off upstairs. All this is familiar to me as when she doesn’t know what I know she runs off, if she knows what I know she counter attacks with ferocity deflecting my argument into blame on me.
Before breaking off I told her if she didn’t want to make a more permanent arrange with OM I would go to his place and let him know (bluff on my part), I also told her that she wasn’t being discrete in her actions and people were beginning to notice and talk .
My 4 nieces who are my support network are fully backing me on this, if W wants to sleep with OM from 10pm to 4am she may as well make if full time but W said she’s going nowhere until she gets her share of the house equity. So we’ll await fireworks on this one.
Changing topic slightly, a lady contacted me on a dating site and we exchanged emails. We are probably not each others type but we both come across as sane to each other . So we have agreed to a date if only to use it to hone our dating skills, if we hit it off that would be a bonus.
Also one of my nieces mentioned that one of her co workers was asking about me and my situation I met this lady briefly 8 years ago at the naming ceremony for my nieces daughter. She has been single for a long time and my nieces says she is very nice and it would be good for me to have at least 1 date. W has stripped my confidence over the years and my niece is telling me I’m not the fat, lazy ugly person W has portrayed me as. In her words “You’re a good looking guy and I’m not just saying that cos you’re my uncle”.
I made it clear to my W that I was sleeping in the master bedroom. After fighting about it for a couple of days she moved to the couch. Nice to see you standing up for yourself. Good for you.
W was out all day with OM, left D11 at her mums for me to pick up in the evening obviously she has OM as priority over D11.
So I’ve moved back into the main bedroom, battle lines are drawn, I have an alien spitting venom at me just like when I was in newcomers, seems it will be like this now until the D is final.
Originally Posted By: RockJC
Your wife may be beautiful on the outside, but she is a selfish inconsiderate woman. The inside is rotting. She is not a prize. I think you need to think more about what is on the inside than what you see on the outside.
You deserve better. She is a curse on your life, not a blessing.
She is not a catch. She is a broken person who is completely insensitive to the feelings of the people around her.
Current event are making me see W for what she is, she is hooked with OM, and from my internet reading I can see she has “affaired down”, (OM looks to be @ 60 – 65)most likely she’ll be back to me in a couple of years. I’m done now that door is shut.
I tried to arrange a date with the lady from the dating site but we couldn’t get times to match but I am going to put that on hold as I’m a bit pre occupied with home events.
The lady who my niece is trying to hook me up with seems keen and now has my email address so I will await a message. Actually I’m hopeful for myself here, she is 44, single, and has been on her own since her boyfriend was killed in an accident 6 years ago. It seems co incident, that she enquires about my situation at this time.
Like it or not this is a stressful time, my weight has dropped, the size 38 size is already lose on me, but I am looking good for it , like Rock said soon be size 36.
I worry about my emotional state and being vulnerable to falling for the wrong woman. I know personally, I have decided on a 1 yr rule. No dating for 1 year after the D is final.
I am going to do this because I worry about my emotional state, and I don't want the distraction of dating to make me less available for my kids.
Everyone is different, and you have been going through this much longer than me, but I just wanted to give you something to think about.
I appreciate your concerns, however my interpretation of returning to dating scene is just afternoon coffee or small drinks in a bar with a friend, at the moment I’m not looking for love and don’t expect sex.
When look back I’ve spent 8 years waiting for W to come around, its 4 years since we were fully intimate, 2 years since we touched. So what I am doing now is using this whole dating thing as a way of moving forward, focussing on me and not W and what she is doing. I want to prevent myself from falling into a depression or funk. Negative energy attracts negative and I don’t want to stay in that mode.
But you are right though, my niece who has a co worker who is interested in me has said that her friend is an ideal woman for me, however she is not going to let us meet until after the D is final and W is well into the distance. That way she says at least it will give things a chance without an angry ex wife interfering.
In the meantime I am meeting the lady off the dating site for Sunday lunch, my mind is now switched to, what will I wear, what will I say (can I get through an afternoon without talking about W). The focus in back on me.
W displaying classic MLC behaviour, every weekend New hair do (touch up grey as well), new outfit, new shoes, valets her car ,does everything as though she’s on a big date, however we know she’s only going for a layover at OM. If we had anything to fix I’d be right over to the MLC board now, but we are done. The D goes ahead but I get a feeling she going to slow it down to try and maintain the bubble she’s living in. Enough about her now.
I’m trying to block out all the madness around me and D11, so I’ve got some self help positive thinking CD’s which includes some meditation. I’m relaxed in my chair now listening, hope for what you want, believe that you will get it, and you will.
