Sorry Accuray, I tried go 4 weeks and just couldn't.
W is acting the same, little to no affection for the last 2 months.
I haven't put up with any of her BS. I'm not being a jerk by any means but there's been a couple times recently she was clearly in the wrong that I called her out on. She apologized both times.
I started to withdraw/distance a week ago, including my affections. Having a hard time continuing to show her affection etc. I'm sure she's noticed but hasn't brought it up.
Feel resentment creeping in.
We haven't had R talk since our bump in the road 2 months ago.
She seems to be making no effort whatsoever to work on our R.
She's friendly with me, we still joke around, we've done many family things together over the last couple months. She still contacts me throughout the day. She stills talks abut getting a dog and doing things to the house etc (but she never talks about anything too far into the future.) Our everyday normal life still SEEMS fine, but I can't help but think of us more as co-parents and roommates at the moment.
I can't help but think of what she wrote to me in that letter in Oct and think she's not doing any of those things again, and that she's being selfish.
I'm not sure what approach I should be taking:
1) Show her affections without expectation
or
2) Try to detach and keep working on myself. (I'm always striving to move forward but I'm honestly not sure what more I can do. I'm typically I pretty modest guy, but, I believe I've 180'd all her past concerns, I GAL, I'm in shape for the first time in my life. I'm a good person, I'm an excellent father, fairly successful)
I did cave one day last week with the affections. I honestly have a hard time keeping my hands off of her. Anyway, I initiated S, she obliged but it was more of a business transaction that S or ML. This is the first time I initiated S in over a month. There has been other times during the last couple months that I've initiated playful sexual flirting and she seemed to be totally fine with it, but I usually do it when there's no actual chance of S (kids are in another room etc)
Do I start asking W questions and bringing up the R? -Are you happy? -Do you feel safe talking to me? -What are your needs?
Do I point out what she's doing now contradicts what she wrote to me in Oct?
Or is all this ^^^^ "shining the relationship spotlight" on her and make her withdraw further? Am I putting myself in a "one down" position.
It seems whatever I'm doing now isn't working.
W had talk with her BF on the weekend. W mentioned she was maybe starting to agree with her that LTR have, what she considers, passion, spark, attraction differences. (I have to qualify that convo a little more as we were rushed)
Its becoming more clear to me that I have a major fear of my intellectual capacity and how it could be a downfall of my M. I don't express myself well here or in general. I'm not sure I paint a proper picture. I forget things as fast as I read them. I'm all over the place. Don't know which approach to take or how to handle my sitch although I've been reading relationship material non stop for a year. I read all Accurays past posts and couldn't help but think that him and most of the people on his thread have more intellect in their pinky fingers than I have. I'll end self deprecating honest moment there.
I know I just need to be the best me possible and not worry about W's actions etc but its easier said than done at times.
Anyway, to some it up...I love my wife. I want nothing more than to get the connection back with her. I want her to feel loved. I want her to be happy and fulfilled. I'm not sure what she's thinking. I'm not sure what she wants or if she could even explain it to me.
I obviously have a lot of conflicting thoughts bouncing around in my head.
M-38 W-32 D7, S4 M-10 BD-May '12 S for 1 month-June '12 Reconcile, Piecing
