I agree HWA My sitch was similar as well. On the morning of the BD, my H ran me and my son to the train station to catch the train to the nearby city. We were going to sealife there (not as big as seaworld but good anyway!). H said he couldn't go as he had a removal job on that day. Little did I know the removal job was him! I took loads of photos for my H because I thought it was a shame that he missed it, bought him a souvenir and then we went to do a bit of shopping in town. I tried to ring H but he wasn't replying. I tried to ring again when we were on the way home on the train and he texted me to say he's left! I got home and he'd taken a bed, a chest of drawers and some other stuff! However 4 months down the line, I am moving on and getting on with my life. I pick myself up quite quick, mainly because I have a son to look after so that helps my GALs. I still want him back, but I've got a few new friends now and a few mutual friends that have dropped by the wayside (their decision not mine!). I used to moan all the time to my friends about H and I did feel bad at the time about doing this. However my good friends have stuck by me through thick and thin and now I hardly talk about H at all! I was very proud of myself today My friend was the one who brought the subject up about how we are getting on. I always speak positively about my H, but I also add that I still love him and still want him back. I know it's very early days for me, he's got a long way to go before he reaches the other end of the MLC tunnel! BTW HWA, You're not too old for this sitch at 50! I'm going to be 50 in 2 years time and I still think of myself as young I suppose now it helps as I've got younger friends, so they keep me young
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
That is true Spartan I still ask myself why sometimes but it gets me nowhere so I don't get stuck on the whys. I have a busy life anyway, so I'm not sitting down waiting for H to contact me or wondering what he's doing etc. I texted him tonight just to tell him about our son getting his grades in english, maths and art and design. He rang me back later to say well done to our son. He was very pleased but didn't stay too long on the phone as I've had a long day today and I'm tired. He said I'll let you go as I don't want you falling asleep on me. I said ok, bye for now. It used to bother me that he didn't stay to have a coffee and a chat or spend a short time on the phone. Now I don't let it bother me. I just say ok see you soon.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
The right DB strategy is to detach and begin moving on with your life. Begin to embrace this new reality, as hard as that seems at times.
Again I know what you mean by the "right DB strategy". I was looking for the recipe, the cook book, that said if I follow these steps I have the best chance to R with my W. That type of thinking had everything I did centered on W and her thoughts and got me nowhere, probably further behind. Somewhere along the way I started figuring out that the DB strategy isn't just about saving our M's, it's about saving ourselves. The best chance for things to work out in the end is for you to become the best person YOU can be. It may, or may not, end up with your W but you will be improved and happy with who you are. That's all you can control...
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
I like your thinking Spartan and I think your posts are helping me as well, even though this is 2old's thread I know what you mean about the right DB strategy as well, I often think am I doing this right?
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thanks Hotwheels for the words. You have been dark since June 1 with your W? This is where I am having trouble at the moment. Some say you should not lose complete contact because it could cause the sitch to really drift away. But then again, most dont get anywhere with even minor email contact so why not go dark. Are you waiting for your W to contact you?
2old, there has been very little contact via any means during my sitch. I have tried different approaches as per DB coach, but the reality is nothing changed. I have been dark since 1st June, and I think I have sent 2 texts only. One about the time booked for the taxman the other I cannot even remember now. She has initiated texts 3 or 4 times, but again, nothing really there, just simple stuff to meet regarding asset splitting. I simply feel the W (I know it is mindreading) is waiting for me to 1. transfer out of the country (end of the year) 2. split the assets 3. she will then do the divorce papers While I think she is an emotional wreck (again mindreading), I also feel the EA and family (all divorced) are supporting her with no reconciliation ideas.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
BTW HWA, You're not too old for this sitch at 50! I'm going to be 50 in 2 years time and I still think of myself as young I suppose now it helps as I've got younger friends, so they keep me young
TryingToDo180, don't feel old, just feel at this age I shouldn't be going through this crap. Actually through my running and now gym workouts, I have started to get a 6 pack, for the first time in my life. I have gone from a 36in pants to getting very close to fitting into a 30in pant or at least a loose 32inch. Being a PE teacher I can still outrun most students, or at least put on a good enough show for them.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Wow HWL! It just shows that you can tone up at our age, lol. I was worried about my bingo wings not being able to get back to normal because of the elasticity when we get older, lol. I know what you mean about having to put up with this sitch at our age though, but it just goes to prove it is an MLC. I think now I've got younger friends and starting to go to pop festivals, I'm going through a second childhood as well, lol
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Wow, I've taken some time to read everything I have been writing. Lots of rambling and emotion is what I am seeing. I really need to get a grip. I'm tired of going through "stages" I just want to be normal again...........
2old you will go through these emotions for a while yet. You've just got to learn to combat your emotions by keeping busy. Besides looking for work or doing work related things, what other activities have you been doing? Have you thought about your goals yet? These have got to be personal goals for you and not your wife. I know it's depressing not having a job and having no money, but there must be something out in your town you can do for free?
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Okay, so I tested the waters today forwarding my WAW a couple of emails regarding taxes that she really should have. I said nothing more than "you should have these" I got 2 reponses back with questions which I havent answered yet. The 2nd response she signed "Thanks, Me". Okay so I shouldn't be wondering this but she either signs her emails to me with her name or doesn't put anything. So this "me" is something new. Cadet, is this part of the possible depression worsening as to further disengaging from me? "Me" doesn't sound like a positive. Sounds more negative to me. Anyone else is welcome to give me their thoughts also.
My sitch was similar as well. On the morning of the BD, my H ran me and my son to the train station to catch the train to the nearby city. We were going to sealife there (not as big as seaworld but good anyway!). H said he couldn't go as he had a removal job on that day. Little did I know the removal job was him! I took loads of photos for my H because I thought it was a shame that he missed it, bought him a souvenir and then we went to do a bit of shopping in town. I tried to ring H but he wasn't replying. I tried to ring again when we were on the way home on the train and he texted me to say he's left! I got home and he'd taken a bed, a chest of drawers and some other stuff!