Had a short R talk last night, more or less instigated by me. We were sitting on the coach together, W had laptop and was research college programs. Seemed too normal as if last week never happened. W said that career IS very important to her. Currently, this is one of her biggest issues -- unhappiness with her career. We also talked about us because she said if it wasn't for the kids she could apply to universities around the country. Meaning that if it was just me, she would feel free to go anywhere and not be close to home.
I asked her why she came home? Yes, big no-no, since she is not going to answer the way I want. She said, "she belonged here." she mentioned the kids, and said everything but about us. The other night it came up, and she asked me why I took her back. My response was because I still loved her. That night she responded with what was essentially an ungratifying "ditto." Tonight was more of the same.
She did say that she thought coming back she would 'feel' different, but she doesn't. I didn't really expect it to shock her into feeling different so I'm not surprised. She also said that her brother told her how what she is feeling now is distorted and she just needs to be patient and wait. If you remember, in July she had a long telephone call with her brother who also has a W in MLC it seems. I find it interesting how much weight she put in his advice.
I asked about her 1-night stand, what was she thinking? She wasn't. She said she did regret hurting me, she didn't say whether she regretted what she did. She did have some remorse that it was against her morals.
The R talk went fine in that emotions didn't get carried away. Although it's not satisfying for me to hear that she's not really feeling in love with me.
Afterwards we went to the bedroom. In the evening I took my girls to the library to get books and I got two books. One is about a women who in midlife quits her job and buys a boat and sails it up the East coast with a guy who she meets (he also quit his career and gave up everything). Seems like two MLCers.
The second book is Passionate Marriage and is about how to have intimacy in your marriage. My W was looking at this, and the opening of the book is a sex therapy session where the women tells how she has these fantasies while having sex with her husband. I playfully teased my W asking what her fantasies are. I know my W has a rich fantasy world. She asked me, I don't really have any. I think this is a difference between men and women. Anyway, she told me one fantasy and we did it.
In my sitch, we have never stopped ML. I'm not really sure how this affects our whole R right now. What I do want is to make it more intimate. The book Passionate Marriage is about this aspect.
