About your D, why did you redirect? You could say something like "It seems like you're sad. Do you know why it makes you sad?" and just listen. You don't have to make it better, she just needs someone to listen. Listen and validate, just like you're learned with DB.
That makes sense, and I will validate her emotions more in the future. I just wasn't sure how to handle it at the time. It was a pretty big gut punch for me to hear. In the moment, I was fearful of leading her into an emotion, if that makes sense? Like a typical parent, I just wanted her to STOP what she was feeling and be happy again. I know that isn't the way, but it is a strong feeling to overcome, especially when I was reeling in emotion myself.
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It is such a shame that a sweet little innocent girl has to deal with the feelings she is undoubtedly experiencing.
Originally Posted By: labug
I get your point but you don't really know how she's feeling, again you're mindreading. And that's a controlling act because it keeps it safe for you. You've decided you know what she's feeling so you don't have to get into it further. Communication shuts down.
I understand what you're saying, but that really wasn't the case. I DO KNOW she was feeling sad. The tears running down her cheeks, and her expressing what was making her feel that way, rang pretty loudly in my ears. I DO KNOW the loss of a stable home environment, with a Mom and Dad under one roof, is affecting her emotionally. She expressed that to me. I wasn't mind reading. Granted, I did not dig deeper into it, and I clearly should have. I just didn't want to, (or maybe I just couldn't), deal with the hurt at the time. Seeing the pain in her eyes and the hurt in her voice made me want to cheer her up. It came pretty unexpectedly, and I wasn't prepared for it. I will do better the next time she expresses anything to me, that is affecting her. I always view her as an innocent little 6 year old girl, my "baby", and I realize that is naive. I need to understand that she is developing her own emotions, thoughts and expectations in life. She is growing as a person. I need to validate her more, and I will. I need to listen to her more, and I will. Thank you, La. I needed to be reminded of that. :-)
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This sounds really cliched but, you skate on the surface of your emotional life. I haven't been to EE but several people here, including 25, give it raves. Ever thought about doing something like that?
In the meantime...
Slow down, ask questions, be open. You might create a relationship with your D that's beyond your wildest hopes.
I think you're right. I do skate on the surface. I have never dug deeper into my emotions because they have served me well enough over the years. Now, is the first time in my life that I am really struggling with them. With that said, I have not considered EE. I haven't been considering anything in regards to counseling, workshops or the like in quite some time. Maybe I should. I will do a little research into EE, and see if it is available in my area.
In the future, I WILL slow down, ask questions and do a better job validating my daughter. That is excellent advice, and something I will take very seriously!
