It's hard to have to put up with CP, isn't it? Hard not to take it personally, when it FEELS so personal because the crabbiness is focused right in your direction. But I guess that's more a function of us being in a handy receiving position.
The leaving while things are still happy and smooth works great if you can manage to grab the right moment to leave. I often get fooled and sucked into complacency by the normality of some of our interactions and forget to cut it short. He doesn't ALWAYS turn a pleasant conversation nasty or suddenly just leave. But when he does it is sudden and unexpected, and makes my head spin in wonder. Much better to leave while it's still pleasant, even if it's hard because you are enjoying it and want more. Maybe he'll be left wanting more too
I do the same thing, start to get pulled in, thinking things are getting better, only for a wake-up call! For a while it was nothing but bad moods for H. Lately, there has been a little bit more positive interactions and even a few nice, loving glances. It is good to see H feeling a bit better. It hurts me to see him in pain, and it causes me anxiety as well. I think I will start reading up on depression, for both myself and H.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I do the same thing, start to get pulled in, thinking things are getting better, only for a wake-up call!
The same thing here! Those pesky expectations! Still working on that myself.
I hope you enjoyed your pina colada(s!) the other night - those are my favorite! I will be drinking many of those on our vacation in a couple of months. I hope you have a nice week, CP.
Me: 27 H: 27 Together: 11, M: 3 S 2 BD: 06/24/13 Living together H: EA - unknown current status Read: DB, 5LL (slowly reading DR) Back and forth we go...
Thanks chl... Yep, the pina coladas were quite good and I had a great time, with no talk about H
Have a nice week
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I have been trying to get out and do things that I enjoy and not worry about H so much. Spent the day with the kids today and when H got home, jogged to the nearby park for a nice 4K jog.. getting ready for a Colour Run in a few weeks! I am pretty excited about that. I'm doing the run with some gals from my soccer team.
I had a great weekend. H seems a lot more at ease around me lately, not sure why but I'll take it! He has even started complimenting me on little things here and there, which hasn't happened in quite a while, and teasing me a bit. Trying to stay positive. I figure that worrying over every little thing is doing me no good.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
CP, the more you're able to relax, do things such as the jogging and not worry about H, the better off you are. A bonus if he is nice to year. Stay positive, enjoy the attention, but keep your independence and loving distance. I find that when the W is nice or things seem normal, I let off on giving her space and then we cycle again. She does things to get away and have space. So try to avoid this cycling by not reacting too strongly when H is nice.
Thanks SailingAlone! We had a great past few days, and interacted a lot better than we have in MONTHS! It was such a good feeling for me. It starts to wear on you after a while of having so many negative/emotional days.
You bring up a good point about the cycling. I am going to keep on trying to give him the space he needs, 'lovingly distancing'. In previous weeks there has been a lot of tension between us, despite him having all sorts of space. Lately I am trying something different, just to be friendlier to him. I think perhaps I was coming across as being cold to him. What I am doing seems to be working and it seems he is reaching out to me, although I am definitely going to take it slow! I am going to be very careful in reaching out to him, because, like you said, once you do, they seem to withdraw back into themselves and escape again.
I am happy that we are finally able to joke around with each other, and he is talking to me a lot more. I hope we can keep it up, as I feel SO much better right now. And when I feel better then I have a lot more energy to do the things like jogging, which also helps me feel better! I think it is like that with depression, ironically you do not have the energy to do the things that in turn will help you feel better.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Well today H was a bit grumpy with me, so I backed off right away and gave him space. Then after a while he seemed to be in a better mood. I guess every day is different. The tension seems to be gone, which is good, and things are starting to feel more normal between us.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I'm glad your getting along a bit better, even thou theres still a few highs and lows. Baby steps. Try not to mind read. And do your best to not react to his bad days. By golly, you've got this DB thing down now.
Hold on, the ride is far from over!! Like I've said before, I know its a roller coaster ride, but continue to act like your standing in the hot dog line instead.
I'm glad your getting along a bit better, even thou theres still a few highs and lows. Baby steps. Try not to mind read. And do your best to not react to his bad days. By golly, you've got this DB thing down now.
Hold on, the ride is far from over!! Like I've said before, I know its a roller coaster ride, but continue to act like your standing in the hot dog line instead.
Thumpered is right. Be prepared for that roller coaster to continue.
Just keep doing what you find is working.
Good luck and stay strong!
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
I have no idea what triggers the W's mood. But I also experience the up/down. Just ignore it and be a constant in their life. The H will see you as the stable rock that he can hold onto.
