NERO FLOATING- throw that line.....

[MileHigh]

I still spend a lot of time hoping 'the contractor' falls off a ladder and dies. :-/

[MileHigh]

That's pretty awful of me, I know.... can't help it, but I try to just hope he'll go away, instead.

[RosaLinda]

"i need a good ole rotten nickname for the ow. i just usually call her a cow because she's "large"ish and has that sort of personality. love it in England - their use of "cow" as a type of woman. she does have brown dog eyes- i always used to think it because i have red hair and blue eys- she's got red hair and brown eyes. ick ick ick - can you spell "scratch your stinkin eyes out" ???"

Oh boy oh boy Nero, here is a fun task we can really sink our collective teeth into. Let's see, big fat dog-eyed woman. Bovine, but The Cow is not nasty enough to suit? I'll be thinking and get back to you on this one.

[albamarie]

The maggot who lives down in maggotville.

~ dmr, I hope maggot dies of alcohol poisoning, yea it's awful but hey I'm not dancing under the pale moon light making it so, one can dream.

Nero,

If h died it would be like a bandaid ripped of fast, it's got to come off anyways, why prolong the pain. I am so furious with this looser, I want him gone, I confirmed my date with him tonight, he gets it.

He's telling me how he's not changing, and may need to do something else now to generate his anger so he can get working. I said do all your guys treat thier families like Sh!t to maintain a work load, your ridiculous.

I said don't forget about sept.1st because I will not continue living around your junk! He said ok!

He said he can't go back to who he was, I said idk what you think I want but it's not you back to anything. When you grow up, and appreciate life and the people around you, you will get it, you ask who can take your family from you, you!

You will live with your children's back toward you, you will create that, not my problem buddy!

He's so sickening, ahhhhh, I'm done! Only the finances come between us at this point!

Oh, and he confirmed he quit 100% because of the crack down, more work, more supervision.

See why I hate hope where he is concerned?

MLC or just plain crazy, " piss on it" is that how you say it Portia? I don't want to care either way anymore. I just want to leave!

Nero, I'm writing you because I know you can handle my anger, your tough and we are alike in our rants. You said once about winning the lottery, anything?

If you need a roommate behind DD call on me, it would be better than living in a Funtime mirror here. This has been way too long and I don't have it anymore in me to hold on, hold on to what?

I wish I L'ed him, maybe I could be more simpathetic, more caring, but I don't want to feel that way for him in sacrifice of myself.

I like cow also, but it doesn't have enough anger behind it, unless you put f***ing in front, yea!

Ok, thanks and hey Nero, this is me and I'm not perfect, like you say, ta da!

[albamarie]

I know it's not very DB of me to talk to him but I need to change it up or he'll just sit here as is without work now.

I'm setting the boundary for what is acceptable behavior now that he is home all night long. He is in my territory.

I do sit back and wait and watch but when he comes to me with something as stupid as he's going to take his vacation money they give him from the hour untaken for himself, I'm not going to stfu.

That's thousands of $$$ and he doesn't get to draw a line in the sand, if so then we are done. So I told him to get his job back and look for an apt around there.

He said no, then he tried to say be patient. He said he's been detached with me so not to give me the wrong impression, I said it's not like I was swooning over you and your little effort to hug me at night.

I'd rather you stayed off of me. I was surprised at my anger with him but he took it, heck he may even like it. So the date is still solid, we will see. It is much harder now.

Nero, I think I'm channeling your strength and saying things I know you would love to say to your h, I have nothing to loss, I'm showing no fear! I'm not coming from a place of L, even when I cried I said it's not for you, it's my frustration!

I though of you and your walking away from h these days, no junk zone, gotta go h! I miss being happy!

[nero]

hey hi dmr -

OMG - I HAVE heard it- in the car other day- and it made me laugh when i was picking out what i was hearing - liked the fell in the cement mixer.

i'm rather more violent in my thoughts than in real life. i could probably really run these two A$$holes down with my car - maybe.

hate them at the moment- why in the hell am i killing myself to be a good sport- and detached and "neutral". well, trying - perhaps only partially succeeding.

look at me here- having to rant and whine in private TO YOU GUYS - pitiful - like all my stoicism is doing me any good really - i n real life. still in teh same stinking life/pickle.

yeah- i know- the job, BUT there aren't that many great good paying jobs around for someone my age- i'm trying not to kid myself. there's a chance- if i'm incredibly lucky- but who the heck can bank on that? OKAY- ERASE THAT- I CAN SURELY FIND A JOB OR TWO AND JUST DO IT- IF I COULD JUST GET TO THE TOTAL let the hell go point..... my STINKING sticking point.

aNY WAY - I LOVE THAT SONG. I think when it's finally over and done- i'm just going to tell people he died of a fatal disease. i'm not going to say it was terminal A$$holism - i'm just going to act greif stricken and say i can't talk about it. that should do for most of the world.

the friends & people who know - i'll jsut say can't talk about it and stick to my guns. i'm gonna say i ended it tho- whether it's true or not. gotta have something here - - - hate him -hate her- hate fest this a.m.

I SPEND MY LIFE WANTING TO LAUGH & CRY. This is such a pitiful way to spend hours, much less days, years. the thought that i've done this solidly for two years - AND gOD ALONE KNOWS HOW long my H was soooo f'd up and i didn't even know- believing the lies, etc.

want to barf. spend alot of time feeling like that too. i have to say- this is no way to live. I DON 'T KNOW why i'm such a wieiner about the being lonely. i do it- i don't die of it- but i'm geting mighty sick of it and not at all a good sport.

if this jerk can go have total "wunnerfulness" (w/ole elsie the cow) (trying that on) i want some too. jealousy- well, yeah... like why not???

i sure wish this jerk would just say- have the other half of the house and get out of my life. I'd feel like crap and suffer like hell- but it would be OVER - (after all- rite now he owns 2.5 great houses in great places - and will inherit aunt's also - SO 3 GREAT HOUSES. ) COULD HE JUST hand it over and get rid of me !!??? soooo- he's got alot of bread and alot of everything. you'd think he'd just do the fair thing- and be done with it all - me all -

i can't imagine how i'm gonna survive the afternoon without saying something sarcastic or asking some thing that will lead to a giant fight - or whatever.

what a stinking selfish slimy $hit - hey- ssss. just like the sound of the snake he is- slithering on his merry way

how does it not reflect soooo badly on me that i could even stay one minute in this house with this jacka$$ - idk - i'm not feeling the magic of "standing" at this minute.

i've got some detachment - more than ever before- BUT it's the philosophical & value judgement one has to make about someone in their face with (*apparently) no morals at all- and glad to spread the misery to those who are stupid enough to care. yeah- i know mlc insanity- REALLY?????

i'm grossed out now- i'm outta here. so glad to entertain- it's quite a stinking joke - all of this mlc - was - crappola? isn't it?????

geeeeeez

xxo

[nero]

ya know- me too.

and not even ashamed to admit it- i wouldn't feel a shred of remorse. ya have to wonder///??

do you think there is any "justice" in the universe - really? i used to be pretty sure what goes around - comes around.

not so sure now at all???

[nero]

OMG DAWN0-

lets hold hands and jump in. i'm sharing your anger rite this minute- and i'm sayin YES to it - WHAT ABOUT JUST SAY YES!!qq

THESE a$$HOLES GET TO RUIN OUR HAPPINESS AND WE'RE SITTIN HERE BEING ALL db and understanding (ick ick ick) and so forth.

this minute- i could kill. see- good case for gun control. what would people get up to if they felt all this - had a jackA$$ rite in their face AND a gun handy tooboot. oh my God!! i shudder to think.

ANYWAY- i'm thinking if you gotta say it out- then it's got to be done. me- idk what the heck i'm doin here. i'm grossed out inside - i'm not quaking with anger on the outside- i can't make the call of how it "makes me look".

whatever i look liike or sound like- it is not inspiring my h to say he's giving up ow- old dog eye cow girl- so wtf does it all matter anyway????

i'm admiring your anger and your guts. if the finances don't scare you and you feel reasonably sure of him- than good for you too.

me- insecure and don't expect one good thing. for me- i'm looking at the downside and trying to capture the magic of negativism with reagrd to this man and this sitch.

i'm e3xpecting him to be the worst of the worst - slimy to the end. i used to see the opposite- everywhere. it was a huge mistake.

i wish i could kick him out- i don't thik it works when he owns half and legally i have not a single foot (much less leg) to stand on.

how can he live in same house with me- look at my stupid face- talk to me- hear my voice and want to keep me in his life if he's allll in LOOOOOOVE SO BADLY WITH OW????

that even grosses me out alot- what a big dope. don't think he has any idea in hell what love is- maybe never will. HIS LOSS

maybe he's a lost cause - and i'm nuts to even be here. well, I'D SAY THAT'S A GIVEN... it's just a matter of clear up the mess now and get on with it all.

it pisses me off bvig time to think he gets to be all "rich and comfortable" and at same time i get to worry like mad and he gets to make me feel threatened about the very roof over my head and that is that. the way it is and will be. no options- that really makes me mad- thinking i have to just swallow whatever he dishes out.

well- I DO KNOW you're rite that we control us- i'm still thinking my best bet here is not a head on confrontation in life- "in the end" - if this is "the end". if he thinks it's his idea he could be generous about it all. i'm hoping like hell it goes that way. if i keep mum- make my own life and plan, etc. and don't be militant i may not end up toally bashed into the turf.

just my gut's input.. it's mighty hard for person like me to keep my own council - i am no spy girl-

oh man- you think you're mad- i'm still thinking wait and see what (if anything) this estate gives me- i'm thinking survival here-nothing less. i think it's shabby - them remember this is not a joke -

i think every cent i can save up or scratch up and not spend will be a good thing. it's all i have at the moment-

i can't figure how the heck i get to stop him from coming to nj and doing whatever he wants about that- since he owns half of house. i can't lock him out- i can't sell it without his consent- i can't "own it" without him giving it or me buying it.

i'm kind of stuck a bit with that - i know it's same in marriage. all equal these days- and without kids i'd probably be in same bind-

IT'S JUST the breadth & depth of my insecurity about "going it alone". it's that damn loneliness thing- geeez - can you believe i even am still droning on about that. like why the heck is this better to just have a body around - and it is, believe me, i make myself sick to say it out loud- but being the only little ole jerk bouncing around a house alllll the time - stinks. i come home from walking at 10 p.m. and who cares??? if i died in the street who would even know i didn't turn up? no one- and who would care??? no one.

this jerky guy is SUPPOSED TO. HE'S THE PERSON who is supposed to cry & suffer if i croak- i don't see that happening. he'll just feel relief. what a world he lives in.

oh alright- we may be sufferin succotash rite now- but i'm still thinking it was better to love like mad than never feel it deeply. it was a good thing- no matter what it "really was". whatever i thought it was - was mighty nice.

amen-

it bums me out- it's unfixable tho, isn't it???? it's just not what i have anymore.

oh crap- guess i'll go read aournd - PITY GIRL SIGNING OUT-

GOD - DON'T YOU JUST ADMIRE ME SOOOO MUCH WHEN I'M ALL RANTING MY STUPID HEAD OFF - MAD AS HECK - INEFFECTUAL AS HECK - AND STILL ALSO WHINING AWAY ABOUT HOW ON THE FENCE I AM- AND STUCK AND WAITING FOR THIS, THAT & THE OTHER- BLAH BLAAH BLAH-

HOLY CR^P WOMAN- GET A GRIP- PICK ONE- BE TOUGH- BE A WORM- BE A TOUGHER WORM- SOMETHING....

DOH DE DOH

THANK YOU - DRIVE THRU PLEASE AND HAVE A NICE DAY!!

[nero]

DAWN:

I HOPE i have the strength i think i have. i guess if you think you do- you do.

Nero, I think I'm channeling your strength and saying things I know you would love to say to your h, I have nothing to loss, I'm showing no fear! I'm not coming from a place of L, even when I cried I said it's not for you, it's my frustration!

I though of you and your walking away from h these days, no junk zone, gotta go h! I miss being happy

i know- me too. hopefully we'll get there one day. maybe since im more ancient it will be a different sort of happy-

idk- all the anger & strength we still don't get to hurry the future and time will take it's own path. this waiting - seeing- waiting is the killer huh???? hang on i think- me too-

i'm still pretty sure in the end we can do this- one way or the other-

xxo - sorry for the giant c&ap festival- sometimes the cork pops out and ka bam....

[uRworthy]

I am so sorry he said those words to you. It's not right.

Nero, I just wanted to say a few things to you, if I may. I feel as if you are spinning a bit. Totally understandable, but, I care about you and it bother me to think that you feel the way you do about yourself and the situation.

When this all happened with me, I was a basket case. I had a part time job with no benefits, xh has racked up $60,000 in credit care debt I didnt know about, invaded our iras and 401K, and our house was upside down, so no equity.

How's that for suckky? When we divorced, I was required to assume half of that debt I didnt know about and I couldnt retrieve any of the retirement funds he took because we were married at the time.

Unfortunately, I still cant find full time work. I worry, too, about my age and the ability to get a job in a terrible market.

So, I get your fear completely. My financial life, is to say the least a freakin mess. I dont know if I will ever get out from under.

But, I am surviving. I am ok. I may be living in a tent soon, but, it will be a pretty tent. LOL!

Really though, Nero, I know that you would be ok, too.

I just dont think you're done yet.

But, I dont want to see you standing because of fear.

That doesnt serve you well or do you any justice.

And I dont want to see you allowing his actions to make you feel badly about you.

I'd like to see you get the mindset that he is freakin crazy, because let's face it, he is and let him blow in the wind.

The thing about dbing is that you need to get to a place where you understand he is suffering from assholism and you want to stay as far away from it as you can so you dont catch it, ya know?

And I want you to feel better about you. You have such gifts, Nero.

I want you to get to a place where you dont answer his stupid comment about a visit with anything but a look on your face like, for real buddy?

So, my friend, how do we get you there?