Ugh. Just have to journal away a couple demons here....
I had to have a nap, so I didn't make it thru the night again, dang it.
I woke up with a couple thoughts going thru my head over and over. It's so obvious in hindsight from the moment I started having *that* feeling again, and from when I first asked W why it was taking her so long to get home at night, that she was testing me and trying to make a decision. And the last straw was the day before her birthday. But the game was rigged. One of the biggest reasons I was having such a hard time is that I *knew* there was something going on. It kills me that I can't say anything to her about this.
The other thought was just how, since she's not thinking she has to make any changes, and how she's set the bar so high her belief that "he doesn't know how to get angry" that the slightest irritation from him about anything towards her is going to be judged pretty severely by her.
The curse of the fixer mentality. Maybe having put these thoughts in writing here, I can try to forget them again and get back to more productive thinking.
