2old, my exw lives 4 miles away and I have had zero contact with her. She has not even given me her new number or email and we have a D together. She should initiate contact. Remember the squirrel analogy. The closer you want to get the faster they will run. Yes anniversaries and holidays are very hard but you should not chase her to celebrate them. That is what she wants and you must respect her wishes. You will experience the stages of grieving. Anger, Denial, Negotiating, Accepting and there is one more that I can't remember. Look at Kubler Ross for it.
What's with the 2old thing. Too old for what?
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Let her control the contact and you respond as appropriate.
Different runaways have different levels of contact, for right now see the level she is going to be. You can re-evaluate later.
There are no right or wrong answers here, you can do everything right and she may never come back amd you can do everything wrong and reconcile. Right now she has control of the ball, until she lets you have it you can only play defense.
Ha, to old for this crap Rick. Thats what 2old is for. I absolutely despise the sitch this has become. I could go on and on but you and many, many others already know. I am trying hard to come around to what and how I should doing. Its 3 months of this shirt (without the r). I read some of your stuff Rick and wow, your XW sure seems to be hardened. As Cadet and you are telling me try not to use logic to make sense out of this sitch. And that is precisely what I am wrestling with at the moment. It's only human nature to try and figure things out. As I continue to hopefully get stronger and detach as I am currently doing things should get better. Cadet, I am interested in seeing what level of contact she will turn out to be. I am fighting hard to not email her with a couple of things she should have which I recieved in my email. Two weeks and counting since she last emailed me. I still find it very curious how she refuses to talk via phone. We never went a day without talking even when I had short trips. So, whatever came over her to be so hard in just a few hours may never be known. Unless she was the greatest actress in the world we went from having breakfast together on that last day to no more anything. I know, I know, but damn its still messed up. Nobody I know understands it either. Enuff said, I'm done... MUST DETACH!!!!!!!!!!!!
"It's only human nature to try and figure things out". This^^^^is one of our problems. We are FIXERS. Sadly our WAS don't want us to fix them or the M. If you are discussing your stich with friends or family members it is no advisable. I would stop that practice. Especially if your comments about her are negative. If you were to reconcile they will not look favorably towards her min the future. Yes DETACH. Someone told me to give myself to the universe. Sounded nutty at the time. Later on I did, felt free and still practice it today when things look gloomy. Just trust that it will be fine
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Hi 2old, I see this thread's been busy since I last was here. I've had a hectic day today and I have only just got home! Set yourself some goals that do not involve your wife. What 3 goals can you set yourself today to get yourself to move forward with your life on your own?
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Hello Trying, well I put out 4 resumes today and went to town so I did a few things. One more and I would of had 3 things eh. Yes, Rick and Cadet were commenting on stuff I mentioned earlier. Was reading your thread also earlier, looks like yer hubby giving more hard time? You are right about what you said a few days ago, that not having your S contact you should be considered a relief or however you worded it. As Cadet said earlier let her control the contact and respond appropriatly. Hopefully, if she ever does contact me again I will be able to respond appropriately. I got a feeling though this could end up to be a long no contact period.
2old, I know fully where you are coming from. While my W didn't have breakfast with me the morning of the BD, it was still a similar situation. She was the normal W right up until DB. I too feel to old for this shirt. This is the time we should be enjoying together, not apart. I feel ripped off. We were only 1 year away from finishing our country service together, our youngest left home , but we got to celebrate none of these together. This year, instead of being apart, we could have had time together finally without the kids. We would have been looking at only a few months of country service left. Next year we would have celebrated our 25th anniversary and my 50th birthday. But in saying all this, what everyone has been telling you is correct. You must continue to not speak to the family and friends (it is hard I know), and you must allow your W to initiate contact. It is their journey. We have our own journey to make now.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Thanks Hotwheels for the words. You have been dark since June 1 with your W? This is where I am having trouble at the moment. Some say you should not lose complete contact because it could cause the sitch to really drift away. But then again, most dont get anywhere with even minor email contact so why not go dark. Are you waiting for your W to contact you?
Don't worry about why she left, just concentrate on you
I was going to write this also. It's hard as hell and yes it $ucks but trying to figure out the why's will keep you stuck. I think what Cadet said is very true. This is about her and the 'bomb' that went off inside her triggered her to run and you are the casualty of war. It's not fair, you may never know the real reason, and you have no control over anything in your sitch changing. What you do have full control over is you and your actions.
Where I'm going with all that is...
What are you doing for you right now?
What can you do to start moving forward and stop asking questions that may not even have answers at this point?
This new situation in your life is your new reality, fair or not. You can keep asking why (knowing you may never know) or you can take control of your new life.
Believe me, I'm not down playing your hurt, your confusion, or anything like that. A few things you've said through your thread stirred emotions in me from my own sitch. I spun around on the why machine for a long time and it never got me anywhere.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
