kml, btw, I like the condom idea! Why didn't I think of that! Now THAT would get a reaction from him. Probably figure I was being taken care of and start the D paperwork.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
NLT, Your h was not only looking around the MBR to see what he might take, but he was revisiting old memories and checking to see if there had been any additions in the way of "male" belongings there that weren't his. He's still checking out his territory. LOL!
I'm glad the day went well and it gave him some good memories to take away w/him back to his place.
You are doing great!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I didn't think about that. H checking out the MBR for signs of a replacement. Do you think that my semi-mysterious attitude has him wondering? Hope so. Honestly, I don't think it matters to him right now. He's hoping that I do have someone waiting in the wings so that he can move on without guilt.
I forgot to commend you for going through the knee surgery. I hope that you make a full recovery. I had an issue with mine awhile back and opted not to have the surgery. Mine was a freak accident which turned out to be a torn ACL. I had scheduled surgery but opted out a week before after talking to some friends that had the surgery. Seems that it didn't help as much as they hoped. It's taken awhile but I am about 95% recovered. I know the agony and frustrations of recovery, for sure.
Having his clothes around doesn't really bother me at all. The funny thing is that he left what I like to call a "shrine" with many of the cards that I've given him for holidays, birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, etc. There must be 15 of them sitting around the bedroom! I have quite a few that sit on a dresser as well. He hasn't taken or thrown them away as I suspected that he might. He is/was a sentimental guy and always had a card sitting on my nightstand the day before any Holiday. Sweet and thoughtful....so wtf happened??? LOL
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
Portia, We are all in this together. There are times when I can't sleep so I come here andlook for others that are having the same trouble or those that are in other areas of the world that might be on.
I'm doing well considering the circumstances. Just like the rest of those on this forum, I have my down times. I'm not sure where I'd be had I not found this site. When I'm a little down I read read success stories and try to take a step back and view my own situation as I would others'.
Watch for me when you can't sleep! I'm here quite often till midnight.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
I'm thinking that I might need to back away from my h a little. After spending the afternoon/evening with he and our daughter on Sunday, he seems to be calling and making excuses to come around more often. As I mentioned he likes to have someone around most of the time.
He called yesterday morning and told me that his internet was down again and asked if he could come by. Told him that I have several things to do but that he could come by in the early afternoon. He came by, did his thing and left. When I went to the office, I noticed that my laptop mouse was missing. The "transponder" was still plugged into the side but no mouse. There was an extra transponder sitting on my desk as well. I waited a bit and sent him a text asking him to please bring my mouse back the next time he came by. He called immediately and apologized. I asked him if he was missing the transponder for HIS mouse. He looked sure enough it was missing. On purpose of accident? I told him that I wasn't in a hurry and not to make a special trip. Told me that he'd be by in an hour or so. When he came in he seemed exasperated about something concerning work. Not is a great mood but stayed for a few minutes anyway. I asked him to take some of the leftovers from dinner the night before because there was no way I was going to be able to finish them. He said, why don't you bring them over around 6pm and we'll have dinner at the other house. I hesitated but agreed. After he left I was sorry that I accepted his invitation. I need to find a way to politely refuse without sounding like I don't want to be around him. I'm not good when it comes to him putting me on the spot. Anyway, I showed up and he had wine ready, had made a salad and we had a nice time.
During the short time I was there, he must have asked me 4 or 5 times how I liked what he'd done around the yard and the deck. He's been staining, whacking back weeds and cleaning things up. It really does look 100% better but geeez, how many different ways can I tell you what good job you've done and how beautiful it looks!!!! I kept sneaking a peek at my watch as if I was in a hurry to go somewhere. When I said that I was going to leave he asked if I was leaving because I was trying to get home before dark. I causally said no that I had a few things that I needed to take care of. He invited me to come by today while he was at work and take in some sun on the deck. Told me that after it's rained a bit I should come over in the evening and sit around the fire pit with him. I stayed just short of an hour and won't be doing that again very soon.
I think he needs a break from me. I don't want him to think I'm free whenever he wants to come by or invite me over. Besides, he's only doing this because the ow isn't around. LOL
He called a few minutes ago to see if I was home. Didn't answer so he called my cell. Didn't answer. His message said that he was going to be working late tonight. Hint for dinner??? Maybe. I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with all of this. Not because I don't want to have ANY interaction with him but for the reasons that he is showing interest in spending time with me. I've got to do something different. Thinking of taking some time away from here and going on a mini vacation for a few days.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
NLT, Yes, he was looking around to see what had changed, if anything and to revisit those past memories. If you had told him that you were dating, it would have eased is guilt for what he's doing. As for it not mattering to him....sure it does, because they don't want us, but they also don't want someone else to have us either. It's a sick way of thinking, but they do get jealous/snippy in some instances if you become serious about someone else.
Whatever you do, do not tell him that you are not dating. Continue to smile and leave it as mysterious as you can. You aren't lying when you smile and change the subject...it helps to keep them wondering just what you are doing.
As for his clothes, when they begin to bug you, move them to another room. The cards, well, he's not going to be too bothered around them because he doesn't have them to look at every day and he knows that as long as they are still in view, you are right where he left you. He looks at the home as yours now and he won't do anything to change the interactions he has w/you right now. Now, if you were to rock the boat and begin putting pressure on him, you may very well see the ugly, dark side come out to the play. Unless you absolutely need to pressure him, I would stay the course you are on.
Take things slowly w/your knee and you'll not regret doing so. I don't know too many friends who have had successful ACL surgeries. Most of the people I know have learned to grin and bear it and suffer through a long, slow recovery. It's always difficult to decide whether to have surgery or not because the fear of the unknown tends to surface and it does make you wonder about the "what ifs". I'm glad you are almost recovered completely. Let's hope the last 5% comes soon!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml, now that's my way of thinking! Not sure when she's coming back but I will definitely do that if I have the chance to get over there again. I even know which side of the bed he sleeps on so I can make sure it's on the floor on HER side! Wait, she doesn't clean, he'll find it before she will! Hmmm, under her pillow would be a much more logical place for HER to find it LOL.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
I won't be disclosing ANY info to him about my personal life unless it involves the kids. It does seem to be driving him crazy that I am tight lipped about it. That is so contrary to what he seems to want me to do. Boy they are confused, aren't they?
I purposely don't take the cards down because first of all, they are his cards to do as he pleases and the ones that he's given me are mine to do with as I please. I'm sure it makes him crazy to see those lovely cards and not have any of those thoughts and feelings any longer. I remember him telling me nearly a year ago, just after he went to visit the ow for the first time that he wished I didn't love him so much. They wish for the craziest things to ease their guilt.
I have no desire to pressure him at all. I know what he's capable of when he's under pressure, whether it's from work or people in his life right now. You know, I just thought of something. Before he left he was starting to distance himself from his friends and colleagues saying that they always want to talk about work when they get together. The complain but never do anything to make things better for themselves. He told me he was bored with them and didn't really want to waste his time with people like that. Distancing from friends that you've known for many, many years seems odd to me. I guess it's just he and the ow against the world now.
Thanks for the confirmation of what I've also heard from others that have had the ACL surgery. A few people said that it worked for them but that the recovery was at least 6-18 months depending on the physical therapy. It's been close to a year now and I think I'm as close to being as good as new as I would have been had I had the surgery. The only thing that I can't do quite yet is bend my knee as far as I could prior to the injury but I'm oh so close. I have no pain or weakness so I keep doing the exercises that I find helpful and hoping for the best. You too, keep doing the exercises and you'll be 100% sooner than you think.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
