After the Divorce?

[Mimi00]

I was quick to be emotional or reactive to his tone. His parents bicker all the time, and he sometimes does the same. I had never been in a home where bickering was the norm, nor had I been in a relationship where that happened before, and I didn't have the tools to handle it well. My feelings would get hurt, and I'd feel hurt and would sometimes cry. Then he felt like he couldn't bring things up without my reacting. It's kind of embarrassing to talk about this openly, but it's the truth.

No need to be embarrassed at all. I was the same, my H would say things and I would cry, I didn't have the proper tools to communicate my feelings, I'd just get frustrated and angry. The last two years of the marriage I did learn to stop crying in front of him and would get up and cry in another room (lol, that's all the progress I made). My H also was worried about my reaction to certain things, so he stopped telling me things. Which was not good, b/c when I would find out I'd think he was lying/purposely keeping things from me. If he would have been more open about his reasons for not telling me, I could have corrected things in my self.

I did IC online and learned about emotional regulation, now I am much better.

What I've learned through reading other people's sitches, is that the human experience is so similar. We think we're so different and no one could understand our pain.... but we all have many of the same quirks and reactions in many situations.

I wish I had known so much. I wouldn't have taken him for granted, I would have actively sought other ways to handle stressful situations (going for a walk, etc.) I would have worked on my own esteem when it came to working, etc. F*ck!!! Too little, too late? Perhaps for this time around.

I say this too. I never thought to read books, seek out wisdom etc... until AFTER the BD. I thought my H and I would just continue to learn and grow together and that things would work themselves out naturally. Now I just shake my head at my ignorance. You have to make purposeful actions in order to get the changes you want.

But you never know, it may not be too late for you or me. We'll just have to continue to learn and grow.... what will be, will be.