The hardest decision - need advice, please!

[RosaLinda]

Sorry to hear you got served DMR, that's rough. But YOU know -- being served with papers is not the end. Being in court is not the end. Even receiving a final divorce is not the end.

"Now I'm in back in a bout of deep heartache - thinking of OM and her again. If she had just wanted time apart and all that, I would be on board with that and able to focus more on the changes I need to make.

I'm still sticking to DBing up to and for some time after a D. We've been here before. Not sure if that makes the odds any better, the same, or much worse. Probably depends entirely on R with OM, just like last time. I know how strongly W feels our M wasn't real (a token, a M of convenience, etc. because we never had a "real" wedding). It's like we were just a couple living together. Anyway, I strongly believe she's taken all her problems to a new R that doesn't have a solid foundation. She, like many people, thinks you can't work on problems and that our behaviors are fixed in place, and the only solution is to find the magic person that makes it all ok. The Hollywood romance."

Believing you did not have a "real marriage" because you did not have a "real wedding" is such MLC barfy magical thinking. It sounds as if she is pretty confused, and looking for excuses to come by and see you.

Are you SURE that she is still with The Contractor though? Has she told you that?

I work one night each week as an ER nurse, and every day in my law office. So one day each week I'm up for 36 or so hours. It's rough isn't it? I can't sleep during the day, and don't sleep too well at night either.