DB seemingly backfired w/ my H???

[Mimi00]

Phone conversation w/ H went well, we talked for about an hour. I let him do most of the talking. I did take over a bit for the last 20+ minutes b/c he asked me certain questions.

He sounds great. Things he talked about:
- The program his job had him create is really taking off. They are looking in to getting the program accredited so it can be taught in colleges around the country. This may take H to levels professionally he never thought he'd be. (I'm happy for him, but this really hurts, b/c I pushed him to follow his dream and pursue this travel job opportunity that out of no where provided him w/ this chance to create this program. It's turned out to be the best thing ever for him, but the worst thing ever for me.)

- He's planning on staying in "wonderland" for possibly 3 years now (he always told me he would NEVER want to live there long term, things have changed now)

- In November he'll be purchasing a vehicle and moving to an apartment that will be $1,000+ so right now he's trying to work as much as he can and save as much as possible to prepare and make sure he has "food in his mouth",then he said "and so that you'll have food in your mouth too". So to me I guess that means he still sticking with his plan to support me if needed.

- The lump sum of money he gave back to his mom is b/c she's wanting to open a store. He doesn't know if she's truly going to open a store or not with it, but he said that's not his concern (progress for him in detaching from his mom). I forgot to ask him where the money came from in the first place.

- He said he's been ignoring his moms calls recently and he can't deal w/ her in the same way any more. He also said he called his sister and told them they may not see him for a few years, unless they come to see him. I told him "I'm sure someone will come out and ski with you". He said, some one may, but doesn't believe any one will, so he's not getting his hopes up.

- A cousin of his passed away, sad it was a hard day for him after he found out. I told him I was sorry to hear that. I didn't know what else to say.....the shock of the fact that he didn't call me for support I guess really brings about the realization we're done to him.

- He asked me if I had made any progress on the "paper work" (I guess he can't bring him self to say divorce or dissolution?) I said what paper work, b/c I really wasn't sure...then I was like, O, I don't have any copies of that, so no I haven't done anything. He said he hasn't looked at them either.... but he'll have to make some calls and figure out what to do since I will be moving. I told him I will still have my identification for where I currently live (my parents home) so not much should have to change. He will try to make some time to do his part and then mail it to me to complete my end.

- He asked me about my plans for my living arrangements once I move. I've had a hard time finding a 6 month lease that accepts dogs as well, for a reasonable cost. So I told him I may have to get a second PT job to make sure I can do extra stuff I need to do (like save money), or I may find temporary living and have to leave my dog here with my parents. etc..etc.. He said "it sounds like you're on top of things" I told him I am trying to be, but I am a little unsure, that it's hard for me to see the future right now, but I hope by the end of the year things are more clear for me. I almost cried, but I held it together. He says if I do have to get a second job, he hopes I won't have to do that for long.

The conversation ended well. He says he will call or text me again before the end of the week, I won't hold my breath. I decided not to be the one to end the conversation per Sandi's rules, b/c when he was here last month, he said my rushing off of the phone made him feel a negative way. So I decided to do a 180 and not end the conversation this time. Once I move I will start doing it again.

I'm kind of annoyed that H seems to together, has all these great opportunities coming his way. While I am some what lost. When I was younger it was hard for me to see the future & make plans, after getting married seeing the future and making plans became much easier. Now I'm back to square one, not knowing what direction to take, what's the right thing to do. It's worst for me now b/c I'm 30 w/ no direction, not the best place to be IMO.

It almost seems that your H is exhibiting a lot of the traits of a LBS in regards to his mother. The hanging on... the pursuit... the trying to buy affection whether monetarily or through acts of service...

Yes and his mom has always been the OW, IMO... lol

I'm sorry you have had a rough few days, Mimi. That was me last week! I hope you a feeling a little better today. SMILE.

Thanks chl0!