Waiting For DR book from Amazon, SO my story...

[workinprogress]

I'm workinprogress. Been married 29 years, 33 years total in October. We have two daughters, 26 and 21. Bomb dropped on Tuesday May 7, 2013. Had bags packed in car and finances typed up on sheet when I got home from school. His age...yes 55! Mine 52. Stated reasons: Not happy, things need to change, feels like he doesn't come first, has put everyone else first, not he wants it to be about him.

Recent history, lost job and has been out of work for months. When he moved out he was interviewing . I never begged, I did cry, due to empathy. I know he was feeling hurt bewilderment, and frustration. I suggested counseling and he concurred. First few weeks was both of us e-mailing. He shared his complaints, about me, his past decisions, what-ifs, and insecurity about our future together. I shared my feelings of situations, and eventually just validated his feelings. I stopped saying " I love you " I stayed somewhat cheerful and tried to get off phone first. I did share with him how our 21 year old was taking things. She is with me until school starts. She has a serious condition CVS. Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome. Triggers...hormones and yes STRESS. She was a mess and feeling abandoned. Let him know, so both would/could work through this. At one point she was uninsured due to insurance/cobra issues. Keeping her out of a 7 day hospital stay was a priority!

Over past 8 weeks, a roller coaster. My daughter's birthday was a week after bomb. She wanted to celebrate at home. I prepared everything and husband, brother and other D. attended. He was attentive and when leaving planted a huge kiss on my mouth!
Phone died, husband had me get new one. Our anniversary came and went...it was within weeks of bomb.

His birthday came and of course Father's Day. He wanted all of us to come out to dinner and a movie, his brother included. At first I said no, for we had just had a counseling session two days before. He finally admitted using a prostitute 10 years ago. Over the years, I would give him the opportunity to share, but he always said he didn't do anything ( lied ). I knew he had, for I have the emails that were sent back and forth. ( he left his laptop open and I had to get on computer to do something, was kind of hit in the face. Didn't want to read , so I forwarded them to my inbox for later ). Anyway, he finally admitted it and the reason why. He justified that it wasn't an affair, that he didn't want to do that to us, but he needed sex...long story short, he felt relieved the truth was out. I was calm and collected, for it wasn't news to me. Anyway, I corrected myself, for I saw a pattern within myself. I avoided situations of high anxiety and rejection. I wrote to share and said I would be coming, that I'd had an epiphany. It was his day and would celebrate his life and fatherhood.

It went swimmingly. He was attentive and was happy I liked the new phone, couldn't stop showing me how to use it. First daughter was jealous of his attention towards me! Sat next to each other at dinner and movie. When over I initiated hugs and kisses goodbye. He was startled.

Mostly good conversations back and forth, I did offer to go out and have fun, put troubles aside...rejected twice and told him I would not do so in future. He knew where I was, and when his "comfort" level changed I would not be far...lol.

last three weeks. He came over to collect mail and took me out to lunch. Lunch was awesome! He has a job, that we've been in contact with regularly. I had a job fall in my lap and it is within my field for which I'm going to school. We high fived, I drank...I don't drink 180. We hugged and kissed goodbye.

I went to my gf's house around the corner, hit three HUGE potholes and rolled my wee Ellie Mae ( Nissan truck ) <
:'O Called him and he turned around and was great. Not the best ending.

We've back and frothed since then, daughter and I sharing Ford SUV. Truck totaled. Last week came to get title and mail, was only going to be there a sec. I said that was great for my D and I had plans to go to a Musical. He ended up staying an hour, loving on dogs, asking about my job...during the time in the kitchen , he couldn't stop noticing my appearance . Eye darting, looking up and down, then hastily looking into my eyes...He's noticed the 22 pounds taken off and the gymn's toning. Walked him to the car and more of the up and down looks. Gave me a " you're looking good! " Asked if I wanted to go to lunch or dinner this past weekend. Yay!

He called on Wednesday to check in on truck issues and things... said he'd check back with me on Friday to see how my first Brazilian went, ( me giving one ). I asked which day we were getting together? He said probably Sunday. I sensed hesitation and should have cancelled. Didn't, BOO! Friday, he didn't call, double BOO! Weekend came and went, stood up....triple BOO! Something hit him, fear, anxiety, ? No call, text, or email all weekend. He avoids conflict, one of his patterns too ! I made sure I had plans Sunday. Took myself to dinner and a movie. The new " 2 Guns " Awesome, even alone in theater I laughed out loud, it felt really good! Had rough night, can't say it didn't hurt or that I didn't want to slap him up side the head...over it now.

He called at 8:00 p.m. last night...I missed the call, was enjoying daughter / mom time downstairs, cell upstairs. I've been doing this or turning it off so I'm not checking it or being too available. On here Tuesday morn, don't plan on calling back for awhile. Perhaps I should text an acknowledgement that I recv'd his call and phone message? Something along the lines of..." sorry I missed your call ". Nothing more? Would love feed back... heavy s I g h