2 year A confirmed

[complicated]

Hi Dawn,
I feel for you. I think you had prepared yourself that h was not going to budge then he did. Just like I told you before my h is all over the place.

He asked me today what is my hurry. WTF? While he has been carrying on with the trash I have been lonely taking care of everything which I am fine with taking care of the house and kids. It sure is better than the alternative. I told him I would have been willing to work with him if he would give up ow and try and figure himself out. I think he is on the extra long mlc plan.

I think you are right that most of our spouses think we will be there forever but when nothing is happening I think we have to change things up a bit. Just like you did and it got his attention. I think he is afraid of losing you.

My h is at a point that he knows that the a is not right and he is hurting a lot of people. I think he is afraid of coming back. He has a lot of work to do but he has to do it and mc said that as long as ow is in the picture at all he is going to slow his progress. Not sure what mwd would say but counselor seems to think so and I can see that. I also think there is a part of him that is afraid of losing me. I think he sees my changes but is afraid they are not going to stick.

I couldn't sleep last night and I send him a text knowing he wouldn't see it until today. It was very sincere just validating that I was not always a good person, wanted my way all the time etc. I apologized and asked for forgiveness. I think the text really touched him. I know that is not dbing but I figured I have already told him I'm done so it was ok.

I may sound strong but I have my moments and quite a few lately since I have made the decision to move on. What is saving me is that I know I have worked on my issues and I feel so much better about myself. I didn't like what I saw.

I also have been taking care of everything for about 1.5 years and I realize I can do it. I'm afraid of the financial aspect but we had saved money to hopefully retire early.

I think h also sees financially he would take a hit and he doesn't like that either. Today he said again that he really didn't have anyone to talk to.

Taking D19 to college tomorrow so we will be in the car together. Should be interesting. I have been nice. Even though he still has his mean moments I still stay nice. He has to see that he can't shake me. He does realize his moods are all over the place.

Thanks for stopping in Dawn and stay strong. You can do this. You have been at this a long time too and I know you have to be ready to move on too but I still think you both deserve to give it a try. A d will take a while anyway. You have a while to go before your deadline. A lot can happen in a month.