For me, I no longer feel comfortable in H's apartment because it is not my space. It is a trigger for me and negative emotions, so no longer will stay there without him or D because it does not feel right anymore. Maybe this is what your wife is feeling? It triggers emotions that she cannot process right now?
I joined, and got off of, a dating site recently. Social experiment number one made me realize just what I wanted in a date, relationship, bf, whatever...and it wasn't that lmao!! Very valuable experience for me in terms of kind of, like you, checking it off and realizing I need an intellectual, emotional connection to be interested in someone..pretty isn't good enough !!
