Guess I belong here now...

[sweetbabyred]

subguy,

thanks for taking the time to read my sad, pitiful rants!

I'm doing a heck of a lot better than I was two years ago, so I know that it does get better.

But back then, at least I could call h my h. It's difficult to come to the realization that we're nothing to each other now. And for that reason I think it would be harder for him to try again.

This waiting to feel better and be ready to move on is tough for me. I'm a planner and I'm used to making to-do lists and checking things off. Always with a due date attached, so taking it day by day is a 180 for me, and one that I'm still struggling with.

For almost two years I prayed to be reconciled with xh. For the last six months or so I've asked instead that we both figure out what our paths in life are supposed to be and the courage to follow them, whether together or apart.

I alternate between the thought "if they walk out of your life, your future isn't tied to them" and "don't give up before the miracle happens."

It would just be easier if a big, booming voice out of the sky would tell me what I need to do. I'm trying to remain open and obey His will, but I'm just not sure what that is yet.

But you're right, I need to go about my life and be the best me that I can be. And that'll attract someone who is deserving of me, whether that ends up being xh or someone else.