Guess I belong here now...

[sweetbabyred]

I'm still feeling sad today.

I went for a jog on the treadmill, but instead of clearing my mind, just made me feel nervous.

Then I decided to lay by the pool for a few hours, thinking that getting some Vitamin D might help, but I just keep thinking about what I've lost.

I knew that I wouldn't magically move on overnight, but I thought once the D was finalized, I'd be able to understand that H was gone and out of my life. Instead it seems to just make me sadder, because before I at least had hope that we could work on things.

And now I'm wondering if I'm the silly woman waiting for her ex to come back home when everyone else knows that it'll never happen.

For months I've asked God for a sign, whether I'm supposed to move on or hope for a reconciliation. Just to know which direction I need to go in.

I read somewhere about someone who was considering standing for her marriage and the question was asked if she would regret that year of standing if years down the line she was back with her H.

I can think long-term, in fact, that's one of my downfalls because I downplay the present, but if I'm already D, should I just move on? Really, what are the chances he would want to try again after D'ing me?

Today has been tough. I'm heading out to church to see if I can get any answers or just push away my melancholy for awhile. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, although it's SS's 12th bday party and I don't think I'll be going, so I may still be sad.

[sweetbabyred]

So I came to a realization over night. While it can't hurt to have hope that perhaps xh will want to try in the future, I can't put my life on hold, waiting.

So, if I have the opportunity to go out, I'm going to take it. That doesn't mean that I'm committing to a long term relationship with someone else; it's just a date!

The time that I spend reading relationship/communication books and going to church will help me in my relationships, regardless of who my partner ends up being.

My part time job ends this month and then I'll be even busier with school, so I need to concentrate on finding work and getting closer to graduation.

It's hard because one of the reasons I decided to go to school was so that I could get a job with normal, predictable hours in case SS decided he wanted to live with us. Xh always traveled for work, so I would need to be the one at home.

So I'm doing well at school (4.0 with 3 classes left to go), but it's just a reminder that while I'm doing great, the reason I started isn't there anymore.

I can't sit around and wonder if xh is happier with all of these new ladies that he's dating. I do still love him and if he is, so be it. I want him to be happy.

As uRworthy said in her post, you control your choices. And that's all I can control. Nothing I do will make xh come back. All I can do is become a better person to be in a relationship with, so that when I'm ready for that step, I can do a better job of it.

I was horrible at communication and showing love in my xh's ll. So that's what I need to work on, regardless of who I'm in a relationship with.

But I have to be honest and accept that I'm not completely done. Even though I am now single, I would give xh another chance if he wanted one, with the understanding that we both have a lot to work on.

But, until/unless that day comes, I have to work on me and be the best I can be. I can't waste away the present dreaming of what could be. I didn't appreciate the good times when I had them, and I'd hate to look back years from now and see that I did the same thing now.

[brobafet]

sweet,

The sitting around and wondering about x is a mood/motivation killer.

I don't have a ton of advice, because my situation is up and down. I do know that the people I have surrounded myself with are awesome and they are helping. Get out of the house. A simple walk may be the greatest thing you need. Each day is a new one to tackle the things you haven't wanted to. We are all learning how to deal with this some are better at it. I'm praying for you and I know that you'll get better. You're awesome remember that. (sorry I don't have a ton of wise things to say)

[subguy]

I'm still feeling sad today.

I'm sorry you feel this way... I hear it gets easier lol. Your not alone and it is common to have sad feelings.

I knew that I wouldn't magically move on overnight, but I thought once the D was finalized, I'd be able to understand that H was gone and out of my life. Instead it seems to just make me sadder, because before I at least had hope that we could work on things.

And now I'm wondering if I'm the silly woman waiting for her ex to come back home when everyone else knows that it'll never happen.

It will take you as long as it takes you, try not to put a time table on your feelings. Silly? not in my opinion, hopeful not silly.

For months I've asked God for a sign, whether I'm supposed to move on or hope for a reconciliation. Just to know which direction I need to go in.

Keep praying and looking for HIS will. not yours. Don't give up just before the blessing happens. We often want answers on our time table and that's not how God works, probably because he's waiting for us to change and grow. Hang in there...

I can think long-term, in fact, that's one of my downfalls because I downplay the present, but if I'm already D, should I just move on? Really, what are the chances he would want to try again after D'ing me?

Move on or just live and live life to the fullest. Jump into the stream of life with both feet, live for you. We need to get to the point of not thinking of what are the chances they will want to get back together. We need to think, how can I squeeze every bit of life out, because we cannot get yesterday back and tomorrow may never happen (I include myself in that we).

If he ever wants back then you can decide if you want him back... Be a powerful, beautiful, kind woman and you will attract that kind of man. Either your X or some other lucky fool

[sweetbabyred]

brobafet, thank you for reaching out to me.

Just knowing that I'm not alone in this is possibly better than wise advice!

I try to keep busy with work, school, church, and in a week's time span will have two happy hours with my gf's.

I tend to be a homebody, but I'm definitely making an effort to get out more.

Thanks for reminding me that I'm awesome. I usually know this, but sometimes it's hard to accept that the one person who used to agree with me isn't as enthralled as he used to be.

I'm stubborn and I'm not used to failing, but I need to put those weaknesses/talents? to good use instead of wondering what could have been.

[sweetbabyred]

subguy,

thanks for taking the time to read my sad, pitiful rants!

I'm doing a heck of a lot better than I was two years ago, so I know that it does get better.

But back then, at least I could call h my h. It's difficult to come to the realization that we're nothing to each other now. And for that reason I think it would be harder for him to try again.

This waiting to feel better and be ready to move on is tough for me. I'm a planner and I'm used to making to-do lists and checking things off. Always with a due date attached, so taking it day by day is a 180 for me, and one that I'm still struggling with.

For almost two years I prayed to be reconciled with xh. For the last six months or so I've asked instead that we both figure out what our paths in life are supposed to be and the courage to follow them, whether together or apart.

I alternate between the thought "if they walk out of your life, your future isn't tied to them" and "don't give up before the miracle happens."

It would just be easier if a big, booming voice out of the sky would tell me what I need to do. I'm trying to remain open and obey His will, but I'm just not sure what that is yet.

But you're right, I need to go about my life and be the best me that I can be. And that'll attract someone who is deserving of me, whether that ends up being xh or someone else.

[subguy]

I alternate between the thought "if they walk out of your life, your future isn't tied to them" and "don't give up before the miracle happens."

It would just be easier if a big, booming voice out of the sky would tell me what I need to do. I'm trying to remain open and obey His will, but I'm just not sure what that is yet.

Okay that's just weird, do you have mind reading powers?!?! I probably think and/or say this at least twice a day. Maybe he is teaching us patience lol.

I go back and forth with do I wait or do I actively seek out a relationship/date. Right now for me I think the answer is to wait, work on me and when I can say I'd like to date instead of I need to date then I'll be good to go... but that's me(ask me tomorrow and I'll say I need to date hahaha).

[sweetbabyred]

subguy, I'm just glad that I'm not the only one who is hearing conflicting messages.

I'm willing to commit 100% if I knew which path to take, but I'm not sure which one it is. So I think I'm just hopping in place at the fork in the road!

I can be patient, as long as I feel that I'm making tiny steps forward. A master's degree doesn't happen overnight, but I have assignments to do each night and a plan of action to get me to the goal- May 2014 graduation! If only db'ing could be so easy.

I'm on a dating site now, but I've decided to be somewhat lazy and make the guys make the effort. We'll see if any of them attract my attention enough to make me respond to them.

I definitely don't feel the need to date. At least not now. I miss the comfortable feeling of being married and having someone to come home to, but I don't miss the dating scene.

[brobafet]

I definitely don't feel the need to date. At least not now. I miss the comfortable feeling of being married and having someone to come home to, but I don't miss the dating scene.

I know how you feel. I often think how much better my day would be when I would receive a hug from my stbx. Something about her arms around me just made things right. On the flip side. The person I loved and knew no longer exists.

Dating has also been on my mind but at the same time I'm with you I don't feel the need. I don't really have the confidence.

One day at a time.

[RosaLinda]

thanks for writing on my thread Sweet Baby. I sure appreciate your kindness and support. I have read thru all of your threads, and am sitting here crying right now. In sadness for all you're been thru, and from the realization that you still love your xH.

MLC truly svcks. How could the fact that his xGF shot her new BF in the face not wake your xH up to the poor choices he was making in his life? He's lucky she did not shoot him. Or you. It makes me so sad that they cannot or will not see that the person who loves them the best and who would make them the happiest is the same person they have kicked to the gutter.

"But I have to be honest and accept that I'm not completely done. Even though I am now single, I would give xh another chance if he wanted one, with the understanding that we both have a lot to work on.

But, until/unless that day comes, I have to work on me and be the best I can be. I can't waste away the present dreaming of what could be. I didn't appreciate the good times when I had them, and I'd hate to look back years from now and see that I did the same thing now.

I find this very wise. My H is currently trying to make up his mind about whether we should get divorced so he can marry his manipulative skank user OW, or is we should just live together as friends. I think, cannot be sure, but I think that even if we D, I will not be completely done until he remarries. That would sure be the end for me.

I'm going to adopt your own advise to yourself, and stop wasting the present though.

Again, thanks so much. I appreciate your kindness.