Circles no more

[shouldistillhope]

Had a great weekend with my kids. One of the best since all this crap started. I took them fishing for the first time, we went to a baseball game, we played football and lit fireworks. All guy things, and it was a blast.

Yesterday XW texted me asking if i would drop the boys off at her house, or if i could meet somewhere in the middle since it is a 35 mile drive each way. I told her i wanted more time with them, and i have to drive all the way out there to pick them up on Friday's and i told her that it was only fair for her to come and get them on Sunday's. Maybe i should have compromised a bit with her, but I also don't want to make this easy for her either. Maybe i came across as being controlling, but that was the decision i made, and now i have to live with it.

This started an interesting string of texts from her that are too long to put on here, so i will just give some of the highlights.

We had a bit of an argument between texts when i received this from her.

W: maybe call me sometime instead of texting, then i don't need to read into your texts. You always try to find something wrong with me every time you text. So i guess, what has gotten into you?

M: Why are you interpreting my texts as me finding something wrong with you? This entire time i have shouldered the blame for most of this, but i was willing to work things out with you. Please stop turning everything i say around. Justify things however you want, but i have had to make changes for myself and this is the new me. I have no reason to argue with you anymore. I am no longer angry or scared. If you want to talk things over when you get here, let me know. I am more than willing. I refuse to start arguing with you so that you can tell everyone what a jerk i am. I busted my nuts for you trying to get the house done, i wasn't a perfect husband, i didn't treat you right all the time, but i didn't know what you needed me to do. Its not your fault, but i would have liked a chance to do better.

W: I don't tell anyone about you or how you act. I would like a plan so this doesn't happen anymore. I don't like you thinking one thing, and me thinking another. That was one of our marriage issues. I like plans. You also mentioned at one time about a different job and i would like to know how that stands because that does involve me from what you said before. To many things unknown in all aspects of my life right now and i don't like not being organized.

M: Yes, those were issues. I wish i would have handled things differently with you because maybe things could have been different. You always meant the world to me, i never cared as deeply for anyone as i cared for you. But now i have been forced to re think everything i ever though about marriage. I guess that means i need to go in a different direction. I would love to have the chance to talk to you sometime in the future, but things are different now.

She showed up to pick up the kids and we had some small talk. She mentioned that she is going to get a seperate phone for the kids to call me because i never answer when they try to get ahold of me. She mentioned the reason she thinks i never answer when i see her number is because i think it is her calling. We smiled at each other after that. I said goodbye to my kids and i then proceeded to give the top of her head a quick rub and tell her goodbye.

Can someone help me pick this apart a bit? I am not sure post D exactly how i am supposed to react to her anymore.

I texted her this morning giving her some details about my potential new career and then i apologized to giving her a quick rub on her head and told her i made a bad decision. I haven't yet heard any replies.

I am not trying to mind read here, but i got the impression that she is very confused and unsure of what the future will bring.

I am now fighting the urge to call her tonight and ask her if she wants to meet for dinner to discuss anything regarding the kids or our jobs. I am not going to ask her yet though, that is why i need someone to talk me down from this a bit.