Falling Down 100....Getting Up 101

[beatrice]

Portia you are so right to be wary. MLCers have a way of sucking us back in. When they are through their crisis, I believe we will know.

Whether and what you reply is up to you. Do you want to keep the door open, or slam it shut? Do you want a 'friendship ' with him? Your call. Also MLCers, in the early stages to middle stages do these touch and goes, and act on whatever is flitting through their mushy brain. He may be in a different place today than he was yesterday LOL.

[ForeverYoung]

Unless I was done, I'd reply. Just make sure you do so with no expectations... kinda like when you scratched off those tickets! What are the odds of winning big?

Whether you contact or not, you're strong enough to handle this, Portia.

You know, in a way, the way he left you cold without any contact has forced you to get strong quicker than most of us. Kinda like learning how to swim by being thrown in the deep end... and now look at you doing laps!

[RosaLinda]

Portia "Guess who texted me today? 

I was enjoying a day outside and had turned my phone off so I have not yet replied. I am a little scared to reply. I don't want to lose the ground I have gained. I do not want a reconnection only to hear about how in love he is or how pregnant the GF is or whatever. 

Many have said that when the LBS is truly ready to move on is when the MLCer reappears. In my case that has proven true."

Thanks for your kind words Portia, but the closer my H gets to his trip to Moscow, the less optimistic I find myself. I will undoubtedly drive you all nuts with my crying and whining over the next few months. I apologize ahead of time

I agree with NLT and Bea - you have every right to be wary Portia. It's taken many months and a lot of heartache and hard work for your heart wounds to scab up. You don't want to rip those scabs off before they're ready to fall off naturally. 

But....you know my views on no contact. So, a lot would depend on what SO's text said. what did it say? Generic? Friendly?

Bea said "Do you want to keep the door open, or slam it shut? Do you want a 'friendship ' with him? Your call." And it's true. It's up to you Portia. You know I would try to turn off my expectations switch and would text back. Light, friendly, fun. Non pursuing. I think if it were me, I would not be thrilled to learn something like GF is pregnant either. But I think it's better to know the truth. And maybe they have broken up. Either way, you are on his mind! And that IS a good thing!

[job]

Portia,
Congratulations on the win! I'm not surprised that he contacted you. When he discovered that you weren't going to continue dropping notes to him, i.e., in his mind pursuing him, he came to realize that he might want to touch base to let you know he was still out there.

It's up to you as to whether you want to touch base w/him again. Can you just be friends, even though he's w/someone else? If you can, please keep your expectations at zero and try to remember that when he's "heavily" involved in other activities, his mind can only do one thing at a time, thus no contact w/you.

I'm sure if you sit quietly for just a bit, the answer will come. As they say, when in doubt do nothing.

Take care.

[Portia]

Thanks NLT! Another night hawk? My biggest curse. Yes, the text was pretty generic, so generic that I forgot to mention it! It has been about three months since I have heard anything from him.

Yep, 2 whole dollars! And apparently an out of the blue text - who knew a lottery ticket could bring so much! It is just too funny and so fitting for our situations!

Bea, your post means a lot to me since I have followed your situation along. It is nice to be understood by all of you - the wary feeling that life was finally moving forward a bit and the fear that I will be sucked back in.

FY, you are right about being thrown in the deep end. Probably not what he intended, but he actually forced me to live without him and I did it.

Thanks Ms. RL - you can drive us as nuts as you want as long as you don't mind the occasional 2 x 4 or, maybe just one of those pool noodle things when required I cannot tell you how strange it was to get that text - generic as it was. Thank you for saying he was thinking of me; yes, I guess that is true. I am just...wary. Now I am the little animal that is scared to trust even the smallest movement.

Hi Snodderly, you always said that he would contact one day. I did not expect it to be because of lottery ticket, but hey! I have asked myself those same questions. The truth is, I don't even know if they are still together or if he's moved on to someone else. I guess, too, I have no expectations that this is anything but what Bea described as a "touch and go". Again, learning by experience has brought home to me ho little time appears to mean to an MLCer.

So, here is an update (feels strange to be giving one!). I did reply to the text - generically, with a little joke and just asked how life is in his neck of the woods. It felt very wrong to ignore the text in the end, so I didn't.

A couple of hours later, he replied. With a long-ish text. Well, compared to our round three months ago, it was long. No questions but a mention of one of our favourite old swimming holes. Starting with a beginner's mind alright, we are reduced to talking of the weather!

I have not had time to reply between errands and updating but I likely will for my own selfish reasons. In case this is a blip in the universe, I want to reply with some information about my GAL; that I am not the broken person I was when we last spoke. Not with any expectations, good or bad.

I guess I am not as ready as I thought to slam the door shut.

Any thoughts?

[makingmagic]

Hi Portia... any chance you can post the convo? Would be better to gauge to see where he is coming from. If not too personal.

magic

[Portia]

Hi MM

Thank you for stopping by!

Sorry I am really not that comfortable posting the actual conversation for many reasons.

The texts really were generic - hey and how is your weather, hey back it is cold and how are you and the reply that even too cold to swim at our old spot and his work schedule was forcing him to get up early.

The truth is I think text is too hard to gauge. After not hearing from someone in a long time I would not have expected anything but a generic text. Truth is I also do not want to get back into the habit of trying to analyze his words. Been there done that and wore out the T-shirt.

But new perspectives are always welcome! Sometimes it is easy to miss things when you are neck deep.

[Portia]

Sorry, the one thing I should have mentioned because it is the part that made my heart jump, is that in his reply to me he said that things were OK but "there were lots and lots of changes. All for the good."

But I have long recognized that his definition of for good is not mine. I read once that I can stick my head in the sand but it won't mean that my butt is not in the air. If GF news constitutes the good changes why couldn't he just leave me alone? I don't want to jump the gun here but ......

[Whiterose]

I don't blame you for playing it cool Portia....need to protect the hard work you've done but I don't think you should worry, as much as you can anyway, as to what it's about or if it's about the GF.......breath deep and remain calm:)

PS keeping my fingers crossed for you:)

[RosaLinda]

Portia I'm dumb as dirt when it comes to reading people and tend to believe everything I'm told. But I'll tell you this, I do not think people go around randomly texting people they have not spoken to in 4 months if they have also not thought about that person in 4 months. 

Lots of changes, all for the good huh? That could be anything from a raise to losing weight. You know what I think would be a good change - if GF and her brood of brats returned home to her H where they belong. Just saying...

I would answer something light like "that's great - like what?" then list all the great changes in your life! :)