MC told me to do the same. Do the opposite of avoiding him. I get the riggers at night when i'm putting D2 to sleep. The last thing I want to do is spend time with him. I force myself to get out of the room and watch TV with him. I enjoy spending time with him but these triggers create a wall that I have to push my way through.
IC told me that I need to see what these triggers are telling me then I can communicate it with H and ask him for what I need. For example, these memories make me feel unloved by you. Remind me by telling me you love me.
That example sounds great but it doesn't help me the least bit. When he told me that he loves me, I don't respond. I smile but I feel like I grow this thick skin where his words don't seep through. Now I know how he felt before BD.
I'm not in love with him. I love him and care for him but I don't feel at all excited about spending time with him. When we ML, I enjoy it but it's not the same. God I hope he never reads this. He's not one to spy but it would be awful if he did.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
