I know it is such a slow process sometimes. But it took a long time to get them to this point and so it takes a long time to get them out of it.
And you want her to close the door on her unresolved conflicts so as not to have to revisit them.
Thanks for the reminder, uR. I certainly don't want to rush her and make the crises even worse/longer!
Originally Posted By: RH
I applaud you, FY, as you have such a handle on balance, the delicate nature of how to relate to your W, your vision of the big picture now and in the future, and your ability to keep your emotions under control, as well as hold the standard in GAL activities! You are so awesome!
Who, me??? Aww, shucks.
Originally Posted By: NLT
It's like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. She's scared and is looking for a way home but hasn't found the path.
Ok, I have to be honest here, NLT. I came real close to giving W a pair of ruby slippers, along with the instructions to tap her heels together three times while saying "There's no place like home"
SA: My W too is sometimes rude or snippy with me. I remind myself that it's not me she's really upset with. The fact that I put a dirty dish in the wrong side of the sink really isn't the issue. I'll let much roll off my back, but won't cower down and take everything. Occasionally I'll pick an issue and stand up for myself, even if it means a brief argument. I think never arguing is unhealthy for a marriage. So is being a doormat.
My technique has been to attempt to reach out and connect with W when she's receptive, and pull back and give her space when she's not. It's like a dance.
While she sometimes tells me details of her world, or what's on her mind, we more often spend much time apart... or together with very few words. It's weird when you can do a 20 minute car drive and only say 2 or three sentences. Or spend the entire night at home in separate rooms.
My W also pulls her share of the chores around here, but has no interest in going out to have fun with me. Not ready for that yet. Fun dates are with her friends.
I want to be clear that I absolutely subscribe to the no relationship talks rule. I believe this is one of the reasons W is still here. Well that, and because I'm such a wonderful guy.
We've gone many months between R talks, and W was always the one to initiate. She made note of this the last two times, so I may attempt to bring it up on occasion. I'm thinking of doing it in a light hearted way. We'll see.
-------------
So no more R talks over here this weekend. W was even able to laugh at a few of my jokes! (this is uncommon)
She told me GF has a new BF, and was tickled to say he sent her roses. I also learned that GF's man friend that they both hang out with is 65 years old. Oh, and he's a millionaire, and always pays their bill. He was D twice, and says he's tired of giving away houses.
When hearing W still talking about the new car, (but not yet having it) he said he was tired of hearing about it. What kind is it, he said, I'll buy it for you! W suspects he was mosly half joking (?) but got uncomfortable and quickly changed the subject.
I'll bet he likes having two cute 50 year old girls to hang out with, the lucky old snake!
After working as a gypsy for weeks, I finally got a new office at work late last Friday. It was previously my managers office and is very nice! I went in this week end to set up and organize all my stuff. Even set up an aquarium.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
