Questions without answers...am I stuck in place?

[albamarie]

What if what we are going thru is a test, this test is a mirror, a mirror that reflects who we are, how we react during our hardest times.

What if we were meant to go through this journey, would we be reflecting on who we are as a person if we weren't, or letting life's busy days consume us.

I can only speak for myself, I know I was all consumed with H, my kids, the house, money, a life I may not have really a been participant of, I let myself go.

Just hours before my H quit his job he told me he does everything for us good and bad, for our benefit he has gone crazy. Then he looked me in the eye and asked can that be enough for me to understand he's not trying to hurt me, or hate me, it's all he has left to give of himself.

If my M is over I am content in knowing it is because I say it's over. It's not what H wants, I believe when he says that, but I'm the one who has to look in the mirror and like who I see.

I was never one to believe that an A was the end of a M. I was so bold as to say I would not let another woman's (insert ugly word here) tear down my M.

Today I can still say it is not the A, is was brief and w someone really beneath me, tho it did violate something precious between us, it's not the emotional scare that won't heal.

I have replace my love language with angry words toward my H, but yet these words seem to have a great passion of their own.

I am ready to move on, away from him, but am I ready to let go? That seems to be the last step in truly knowing when your done.

I speak as if there is no hope...I'm protecting myself...I believe there is no hope. I don't feel M, I do feel cared for, protected, but not M to the L of my life, so no H it's not enough for me.