Happy Birthday. I'm sure it doesn't feel like it this year but there will be other times to celebrate.
I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. It is never easy no matter how old she is. I think it's good you prevented her from lowing a lot of the bad things. Better for her.
I lost my own Mom a few years back while things were very bad with my ex. I told my dad how much I didn't want him at the funeral. My dad told me that every person should be free to extend their sympathy in whatever way they saw fit. Everyone would be made to feel welcome. I came to understand this.
My ex chose NOT to attend (out of guilt I expect) but he was torn apart. He did send all of. S sympathy cards & made a donation to Mom's church. That was decent.
Please focus on your on grief & that of your family. Your ex does not deserve any of your attention or time right now.
