1) I'm sorry you are hurting....but you will get thru this. Believe it, and then make it happen.
2) You are doing an awful lot of mind reading. Not only is it not helpful, it's going to drive you crazy. Let go of that. You cannot know what H is thinking or feeling, and frankly, he's probably more confused than you.
3) As I read your post above, the question I had was "Do you think that is attractive to your H?" Early in the process, I think we all let our codependency override our good sense, and the side effect is, it's not attractive at all. Keep that in mind when you are around H. It will be hard right now, until you start to detach and get back to being you, but as is sometimes said around here, it's ok to "fake it until you can make it."
4) What are you working on for you? What are you doing to make yourself the W only a fool would leave?
5) How's your GAL? It's extremely important at this point in the game for your own sanity. Get out, do things you've always wanted to, meet new people, work out, etc.
