wife hardends heart-2

[planet]

I don't have to move out. She wants me too. In her own words, 'sick at looking at your face'. That's a real pissed off girl.
I'm staying for my kids. Not for her.
If I move out, I won't be paying the mortgage for her. She will have the figure this out. She'll manage. She has the money but she's a spender. I could always move back to my parent's which is further away from work. It's ok. I'll manage.

[newman7977]

"W also wanted to insert visitation restrictions upon my family but was denied by the L. His reason was the kids should have a healthy relationship with their extended family despite our D. I wouldn't have agree to this too."

Did you get a L? These agreements to me sound very one sided. Did u just said yes to all what your W proposed? Man maybe get L and see if you can still protect your rights.

How is the D process there in Malaysia? Here in the US,at least where I'm at, the initial consultation with L's are free. It sounded like you were very passive so not to upset your W. that's not healthy planet. IMO stop making a decision based on fear, you got to lose the fear.

But then again maybe this is what you want? Can you tell me what would've been your D agreement, what would've been fair to you?

[planet]

I would have given the house to W. It's best for the kids.
Custodial rights to W. The kids at this age needs their mother more. I have unrestricted visitation which also means i can take the kids out for days.
may sound unfair but its for the best.
The visitation restriction on my family is definitely a no.

We have a verbal agreement that my kids will not be visiting my family any time soon. My family strongly encourages me to accept this arrangement. I'm allowing time for W to heal. I would put the dateline at most early next year. She's hating my mom and sis. I have never seen hate like what i saw in her eyes.

[PatientMan]

We have a verbal agreement that my kids will not be visiting my family any time soon. My family strongly encourages me to accept this arrangement.

Why? (to both statements)

-PM

[MrBond]

"The kids at this age needs their mother more."

Total hogwash. I had equal custody of my kids when I was separated and found that they need both parents equally as they both have something to contribute to their growth.

"We have a verbal agreement that my kids will not be visiting my family any time soon. My family strongly encourages me to accept this arrangement."

But is this what YOU want? Forget about your W for a minute. Right now she's going to hate everyone that doesn't go along with what she believes. That hate you see is what all of us have seen. The LBS suddenly goes from the love of their lives to public enemy number one. What you need to do is start standing up for what YOU believe in and not always what your W wants. It's like giving in to a child throwing a tantrum. You don't keep giving in because they are going to keep pushing the boundaries of what they can get away with.

If you can swing it, I would seriously push for a definite schedule with your kids. Don't be a "sometimes" dad. You'll appreciate that later.

[planet]

I believe that my kids should have access to their paternal grandparents despite W's emotions but I can't be breaking a promise. It's going to be difficult navigating through this. It's going to be early next year. My parents will be welcoming my kids for the lunar new year. After this, it's going to be regular visits. This is what I want.

Total hogwash. I had equal custody of my kids when I was separated and found that they need both parents equally as they both have something to contribute to their growth.

I don't wish to be an absent father. I will fix a schedule to spend time with them when/if D eventually happens.
As i am living in the same house right now, I spend every time i could with them. Trying to be the best dad I could. My kids is the only reason that i do not want to move despite W's emotional roller-coaster and the OM rubbing his face in. It's hard taking all this in. When push comes to shove, I will fight.

[planet]

W did try to put in visitation hours in the agreement. She said she did not want me to forcibly visit the girls in the middle of the night. That's just crazy. I did not agree to this. Really don't know who she consulted.

Just to be clear, in Malaysia a 'joint petition divorce' generally takes 6 to 9 months to be completed. Right now, we are not officially divorced. We can be viewed as separated. Both parties are free to move out from the matrimonial home. We are waiting for the court hearing date after filing joint petition divorce which is usually within 6 months. It will take another 3 months to receive a divorce certificate the judge had granted the divorce.

[planet]

It's really ridiculous i need to accept the fact that OM and W plus the kids will have weekly dinner together plus maybe a night or two meetings on weekdays without the kids.
I can't stop her from taking the kids.
Act "as if"?
It's what i'm doing now.
correct? no?

[PatientMan]

It's really ridiculous i need to accept the fact that OM and W plus the kids will have weekly dinner together plus maybe a night or two meetings on weekdays without the kids.
I can't stop her from taking the kids.
Act "as if"?
It's what i'm doing now.
correct? no?

It's ridiculous that it's okay for OM to see your kids, but your family can't. I think it's a good time to take complete inventory of your situation and remedy any issues (like this one) that need to be remedied.

Focus on doing what's best for YOU and YOUR KIDS.

-PM

[newman7977]

It's really ridiculous i need to accept the fact that OM and W plus the kids will have weekly dinner together plus maybe a night or two meetings on weekdays without the kids.
I can't stop her from taking the kids.
Act "as if"?
It's what i'm doing now.
correct? no?

I don't think MWD's "act as if" is to stretch it in this scenario. Taking the kids all week takes away the kids' access to their father. You see that right?

These are your children as well, start thinking equal rights. They need equal access to both parents not just one. Your W will be pissed get ready but,this is what's best for the kids. But of course under no circumstances you will handle this in front of the kids ok?

You didn't say if you did get a L. Can you still get one and amend these agreements? From what I can see here is that your W covered all the legal basis in her favor.

All these things you are complaining about--this is your sitch when the D is final because you gave her most of the rights.

There are some issues here planet, start looking for solutions. My first move would've been to consult a L and see if there's anything you can do to get this D agreement to balance out for both parties. Just see what the L say and go from there. Your next move will depend on what the L say.

Take care,
Newman