You know, I didn't have much of a life outside of him. As in, I did--I had and have a ton of friends that aren't his friends and weren't, and I see them very regularly. I also had my own small jobs, my photography, I took some classes, etc. But also, by writing at home, I waited for him to come home and "be company," as it were. I think he liked that I did so much, as he worked so much and really didn't have time to do it. I don't remember him ever complaining about it, and that's the truth. But, if I had stepped back more, perhaps I would have made space for him to engage more, and by engaging more, he would have cared more. Perhaps I should have made dinner fewer times, and created space for him to do it. And the same goes for our Burning Man prep, etc. Good point, there.
I wish I had known so much. I wouldn't have taken him for granted, I would have actively sought other ways to handle stressful situations (going for a walk, etc.) I would have worked on my own esteem when it came to working, etc. F*ck!!! Too little, too late? Perhaps for this time around.
