Thank you so much for your responses. I was surprised that you wrote, and it means a huge deal to me. This really is a community--and it's the first time I've engaged in an online community before.
I'm 33 and he's 37, and it definitely could be a MLC--the situation seemed to align pretty well with DB. I haven't read any titles on it, though--do you recommend any, or any websites?
For some reason, I thought Mimi30 asked if there were things that I'd contributed to the situation, and I thought about it for a few days. (I've actually been thinking about it for two months...)
I was quick to be emotional or reactive to his tone. His parents bicker all the time, and he sometimes does the same. I had never been in a home where bickering was the norm, nor had I been in a relationship where that happened before, and I didn't have the tools to handle it well. My feelings would get hurt, and I'd feel hurt and would sometimes cry. Then he felt like he couldn't bring things up without my reacting. It's kind of embarrassing to talk about this openly, but it's the truth.
Also, he wasn't attracted to me. I'm not sure why, as I'm 5'9", I'm slender, I have pretty clear skin, and I've been complimented enough on my looks. After high-school, I traveled the world a bit to model (a very little bit, I was really too young for it). I'm older now and no longer in my 20s, but I'm OK in the looks department. But he wasn't attracted. My friend just confided to me that, a year ago, he had had too much to drink at her house and started telling her how he wasn't attracted to me, and that she felt uncomfortable and asked him to speak with me, which he didn't.
I didn't know how to handle the lack of physical attention. I didn't go out and learn more about sex, like reading books, watching movies, going online, etc. I've since learned (I've now read 14 books about relationships, lol) that people don't just "know" how to do these things well, and that reading actually helps.
Other things? The working. It really bothered him, though he said I could work from the home. It was a contradiction. I'd worked as a copywriter downtown then got laid off, and since took up photography, edited books, nannied, and did odd-type jobs that brought in spending money but not much more than that. I'm now working with a therapist about my working, as I eventually took on jobs that I knew I could do, and that were easy, not ones that seemed "scary" or "challenging" but were way more interesting (it's like a gal who dates guys she knows she doesn't want, because she feels intimidated by the guys she does want). My counselor is making me write down every compliment I receive for a week, and has begun a small program on changing that wiring (I'm also reading What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Shad Helmstetter).
That's really all I can think of. My self-esteem was pretty low at the end. I've since opened up about how I felt sexually, and am reading books in that arena. I'm reading and have reached out to this community. I inquired with my friends about part-time jobs while in nursing school, and got a lead and actually called on it yesterday. (Ah!) And I'm working toward that degree. What I feel is really missing from my life is art and writing as, with this whole thing, I have done hardly any of it at all, aside from a few short poems. So that's a 180 I can do for myself, as well.
Love to all of you, and thank you for writing back,
