I'm sick today. Not deathly ill. But enough where it would be nice if H were to nurture me a bit. And I may even check into labor and delivery to make sure nothing is wrong with baby (seemed to be slight decrease in activity yesterday). Do you think he's concerned ? Well he may be but he's not showing it. And I had to go downstairs and fend for myself. It's so sad I'm not even upset about t really. It's just sad that's this is my marriage. And honestly this unemotional detached person is also who he is on a good day. That's why I needed to have my mom by my side after the c section.
Anyway so i "think" I'm ready to start to move on. Case in point at the bookstore yesterday instead if buying "5LL" I bought " how to heal a Broken heart in 30 days". I'm strategizing how i may meet someone else (next year after I'm settled with baby of course, he's my number one priority). I have to move on from this. My obsession with my H is not healthy.
If he doesn't want me and he wants to be a divorced dad with visitation of his newborn I'll grant his wish. He doesn't want me but he doesn't want to leave his baby. He feels stuck. So I'll let him go. It's not what I want at all. And of course if he drastically changes I'll consider staying. But I don't have any fight left in me.
I'm exhausted. And when my baby comes he'll my priority. I won't have any time or energy for my H or my M. And without me this will def fall apart. Anyway wish me luck guys. I may not update until after baby is born.
Me 35 H 34 DS- newborn 8/13 T 8.5 M 7 H's EA - 10/11 INILWY 5/13 DBing 6/13 Don't know WTF to do 1/14
It's so sad I'm not even upset about t really. It's just sad that's this is my marriage. And honestly this unemotional detached person is also who he is on a good day. That's why I needed to have my mom by my side after the c section. 
